since the new year is approaching I would like to wish you all Happy New Year and a toss for a better life! =D
resolution ? hmmm, think bout that bit later... going to scotland in a moment to spend the new year eve.. let's just cross our fingers for a pleasant weather! AMien!
and hope you'll have a great new year eve with the one you love most in ur life...=)
loads of loves lads!
Sunday, 30 December 2007
Tuesday, 25 December 2007
winter purity
I'm not sure whether this blog is read by anyone, but... hey just gonna say Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate it!
Hope you all experience the blessing one! =)
Just got back from Belfast, couple days ago. How was it ? bloody freezing! yup, I stupidly spent my winter at Ireland!
telling the truth it wasn't a city that makes me wanna stay longer, if u know what I mean... I didn't get any connection with Belfast, unlike me and Edinburgh and York =p
It's beautiful city with political tears... if u can remember the conflict and the war... [u know U2 and the Cranberries songs, mostly inspired by the war blasted in Ireland] in fact the cold war is still there! Belfast city itself still divided into two major political views with its supporters and they apparently have their own territory which is divided by the wall, yup like in Germany long time ago.
Belfast which is nestled on Northern Ireland has been for many years the site of a violent and bitter ethno-political conflict between those claiming to represent Nationalists, who are predominantly Catholic, and those claiming to represent Unionists, who are predominantly Protestant. In general, Nationalists want Northern Ireland to be unified with the Republic of Ireland, and Unionists want it to remain part of the United Kingdom.
For me personally the story lies is indeed very interesting, the city been testifying the long tiring journey of political war. In Shankill Road, people can see a parade of gravities which reflects the civil conflict.
The Shankill is separated from the neighbouring Catholic, nationalist, Falls Road area by peace lines. Greater Shankill has a population of around 22,000. The two areas were focal points of the civil conflict known as The Troubles (1969 – 1998), and many lives have been lost in the sectarian violence. Several loyalist paramilitary groups, such as the UDA and UVF have a presence in the Shankill. The road has been the focus of several power struggles within the loyalist paramilitaries. In 2003 one of these incidents resulted in UDA leader Johnny Adair being evicted from his lower Shankill home.
Belfast itself is also a home for the great TItanic, yup, once it was built in this city.. thus they make big deal out of it.. Titanic this Titanic that...seriously =p
photos of belfast, you can click here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23634&id=631001700&ref=mf
Hope you all experience the blessing one! =)
Just got back from Belfast, couple days ago. How was it ? bloody freezing! yup, I stupidly spent my winter at Ireland!
telling the truth it wasn't a city that makes me wanna stay longer, if u know what I mean... I didn't get any connection with Belfast, unlike me and Edinburgh and York =p
It's beautiful city with political tears... if u can remember the conflict and the war... [u know U2 and the Cranberries songs, mostly inspired by the war blasted in Ireland] in fact the cold war is still there! Belfast city itself still divided into two major political views with its supporters and they apparently have their own territory which is divided by the wall, yup like in Germany long time ago.
Belfast which is nestled on Northern Ireland has been for many years the site of a violent and bitter ethno-political conflict between those claiming to represent Nationalists, who are predominantly Catholic, and those claiming to represent Unionists, who are predominantly Protestant. In general, Nationalists want Northern Ireland to be unified with the Republic of Ireland, and Unionists want it to remain part of the United Kingdom.
For me personally the story lies is indeed very interesting, the city been testifying the long tiring journey of political war. In Shankill Road, people can see a parade of gravities which reflects the civil conflict.
The Shankill is separated from the neighbouring Catholic, nationalist, Falls Road area by peace lines. Greater Shankill has a population of around 22,000. The two areas were focal points of the civil conflict known as The Troubles (1969 – 1998), and many lives have been lost in the sectarian violence. Several loyalist paramilitary groups, such as the UDA and UVF have a presence in the Shankill. The road has been the focus of several power struggles within the loyalist paramilitaries. In 2003 one of these incidents resulted in UDA leader Johnny Adair being evicted from his lower Shankill home.
Belfast itself is also a home for the great TItanic, yup, once it was built in this city.. thus they make big deal out of it.. Titanic this Titanic that...seriously =p
photos of belfast, you can click here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=23634&id=631001700&ref=mf
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
my HOLY daysssss
here i am... experiencing another winter... this one is mild... very nice!
having a chance to exploring my prior life as a student in this country is indeed amazing.
i am relaxing... very much!
i don't know how many time i've said that I hate Jakarta.., and, now it becomes more obvious that I really hate living in Jakarta!
i have never felt so calming like now...
meeting with some old friends, going around the North East --being a tourist! I am visioning this country with the tourist perspectives =) and it's very nice... hmm, not to mention being next to my bf... yeah...it's priceless.
this is what so called HOLY daysssssss xD
having a chance to exploring my prior life as a student in this country is indeed amazing.
i am relaxing... very much!
i don't know how many time i've said that I hate Jakarta.., and, now it becomes more obvious that I really hate living in Jakarta!
i have never felt so calming like now...
meeting with some old friends, going around the North East --being a tourist! I am visioning this country with the tourist perspectives =) and it's very nice... hmm, not to mention being next to my bf... yeah...it's priceless.
this is what so called HOLY daysssssss xD
Sunday, 9 December 2007
run out of time
it's kicking now!
am going to have my holiday this Friday and haven't prepared anything yet! am about to mad now since am still having lot of articles need to be written!
ok... focus on the holiday nin.... u'll be fine... I'll be OKAY!!!
inhale... exhale...
Gosh, why time is ticking so fast ??
am going to have my holiday this Friday and haven't prepared anything yet! am about to mad now since am still having lot of articles need to be written!
ok... focus on the holiday nin.... u'll be fine... I'll be OKAY!!!
inhale... exhale...
Gosh, why time is ticking so fast ??
Monday, 3 December 2007
LDR
I hate long distance relationship!
yeah I know i bursted it out after two years of my LDR! some people told me that it's ridiculous for having LDR, won't work out yada yada yada... well maybe they're right in some points... but hey...we're okay... i am still alive... so..it works for me at least...
sigh..... am screw!
what i don't like is the time difference!
like now, its 11PM and I'm still waiting to talk with my bf cause guess what it's still working hour there... only 5PM in the UK!! ohh that shocking!!! whatever!!!
I need that Doraemon magic door that could takes me anywhere I want to... ohh Doraemon seems to be so heroic for me now!
stupid British why they have to be six hours late than us ???
still waiting...
still waiting...
still waiting...
still waiting...
...........damn I'm still waiting!
this is the art of love.... wwwwwwwwoooooooooossssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
yeah I know i bursted it out after two years of my LDR! some people told me that it's ridiculous for having LDR, won't work out yada yada yada... well maybe they're right in some points... but hey...we're okay... i am still alive... so..it works for me at least...
sigh..... am screw!
what i don't like is the time difference!
like now, its 11PM and I'm still waiting to talk with my bf cause guess what it's still working hour there... only 5PM in the UK!! ohh that shocking!!! whatever!!!
I need that Doraemon magic door that could takes me anywhere I want to... ohh Doraemon seems to be so heroic for me now!
stupid British why they have to be six hours late than us ???
still waiting...
still waiting...
still waiting...
still waiting...
...........damn I'm still waiting!
this is the art of love.... wwwwwwwwoooooooooossssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Friday, 30 November 2007
My Today World
this life is not "sex in the city" movie set, although I believe billion women out there analogue themselves as Carrie Bradshaw or Samantha Jones or Miranda Hobbes or even Charlotte York, ask yourself! To admit it, I was once yeah... long time ago... I would had loved being the fabolous Carry, again back then in my early twenties.
Today, I found this life is so much interesting in a complicated way than "sex in the city" at least for me... in my age.
I sat in this chic and stylish hotel this afternoon, having strawberry mojito with a friend who work for the hotel. She asked me how old am I... then the conversation was leading to how difficult to keep Mr Right.
Finding one is not as tough as keeping, she said. She is married and five years older than me...
When I said; "ohh I feel old..." she was smiling and said; "you r not.. it's your golden moment to cherish the life!"
She was having her lemon tea and continued: "when I was in your age,.........."
"really ?"
I then looked at the view outside... it was a beautiful dusk
Am I this blind ? Am I too conventional ? Am I too reclusive ?
Why these women have so much fun ? And I'm stuck in front of my Mcbook like every single second?
"When you work hard you have to play hard as well, for the sake of your mind and soul!" a friend told me that.
She was the Director of PR in this renowned and prominence company. She is in her thirties, hard worker yet she's been having so much with her life! "How come you go to this lounge like twice a week in weekday?"
"why not ?"
why not ? yeah... she was right
My married friend said that it's very difficult to resist the temptation especially when you work on the company that requires you to meet many people. Marriage and love are the things that you can't take it for granted!
That's why this friend decided to get married on her late 29. A time when she thought she knew how to hold her self in.
Meanwhile my single friend, she still loves to play around... I think she just live her life to the fullest! She likes being surrounded by Mr Big! and why you have to be settled in a marriage that will gives you another headache that you can't run away from when you can get whatever you want and throw it away when it rusts?
"There are many McYummies outside darling... and they are all want to have fun, celebrate it!" they both said.
When you are surrounded by Samantha Jones in your life, you'll probably think that being Charlotte York is very wrong!
The last time I had party was last night, PRESTIGE GALA and it was a blast! I was having so much fun indeed... I danced and laughed with my friends and some people I know during my job as a writer from the CEOs till designers... I put my best dress and made up beautifully... I fell so good! Although after a while I sat in a white soften fur sofa and talked with a friend what the hell are these people doing after this party ? why they really want to be in the spotlight... they laugh caused by the alcohol and then what ??? somehow in a particular moment my cynicism came out!
Indeed, hundred of Mr Bigs were there and hundred of Samantha Jones were there too...
As Miranda Hobbes I brimmed over with some cynical words!
I hope I was wrong!
Is that true that the men out there are more like Joey than Ross ?
My friend told me last nite that why the man that she's been crushed on hasn't said the three words or ask to go to the next level ? This man is successful one, busy with his job, in his forties, eligible bachelor if you want to say...
"It seems that he has been playing the game, it's tiring! one day I feel being needed the other day I'm ignored.."
confusion
.... How many men who play black jack ?
My friend gave me this DVD couple days ago, she said: "The screenplay reminds me of you."
Me ? I mean like why on earth has to have a resonance with my life ?
I watched the movie eventually driven by my curiosity... and...
DAMN!
that movie is my real life in some ways! not my whole life but it pictures some sequels in my life lately!
My question [again]: Why there are more and more Mr Big, Joey and McSteamy in this world ?
Soo unfair...
Whilst at the same time, there are many cinderellas outside who dream to find their prince charming!
You gorgeous men out there, is love only about a manipulation of mind for you?
Oh My....!
He's so damn right!
nice and sweet woman is boring!
Today, I found this life is so much interesting in a complicated way than "sex in the city" at least for me... in my age.
I sat in this chic and stylish hotel this afternoon, having strawberry mojito with a friend who work for the hotel. She asked me how old am I... then the conversation was leading to how difficult to keep Mr Right.
Finding one is not as tough as keeping, she said. She is married and five years older than me...
When I said; "ohh I feel old..." she was smiling and said; "you r not.. it's your golden moment to cherish the life!"
She was having her lemon tea and continued: "when I was in your age,.........."
"really ?"
I then looked at the view outside... it was a beautiful dusk
Am I this blind ? Am I too conventional ? Am I too reclusive ?
Why these women have so much fun ? And I'm stuck in front of my Mcbook like every single second?
"When you work hard you have to play hard as well, for the sake of your mind and soul!" a friend told me that.
She was the Director of PR in this renowned and prominence company. She is in her thirties, hard worker yet she's been having so much with her life! "How come you go to this lounge like twice a week in weekday?"
"why not ?"
why not ? yeah... she was right
My married friend said that it's very difficult to resist the temptation especially when you work on the company that requires you to meet many people. Marriage and love are the things that you can't take it for granted!
That's why this friend decided to get married on her late 29. A time when she thought she knew how to hold her self in.
Meanwhile my single friend, she still loves to play around... I think she just live her life to the fullest! She likes being surrounded by Mr Big! and why you have to be settled in a marriage that will gives you another headache that you can't run away from when you can get whatever you want and throw it away when it rusts?
"There are many McYummies outside darling... and they are all want to have fun, celebrate it!" they both said.
When you are surrounded by Samantha Jones in your life, you'll probably think that being Charlotte York is very wrong!
The last time I had party was last night, PRESTIGE GALA and it was a blast! I was having so much fun indeed... I danced and laughed with my friends and some people I know during my job as a writer from the CEOs till designers... I put my best dress and made up beautifully... I fell so good! Although after a while I sat in a white soften fur sofa and talked with a friend what the hell are these people doing after this party ? why they really want to be in the spotlight... they laugh caused by the alcohol and then what ??? somehow in a particular moment my cynicism came out!
Indeed, hundred of Mr Bigs were there and hundred of Samantha Jones were there too...
As Miranda Hobbes I brimmed over with some cynical words!
I hope I was wrong!
Is that true that the men out there are more like Joey than Ross ?
My friend told me last nite that why the man that she's been crushed on hasn't said the three words or ask to go to the next level ? This man is successful one, busy with his job, in his forties, eligible bachelor if you want to say...
"It seems that he has been playing the game, it's tiring! one day I feel being needed the other day I'm ignored.."
confusion
.... How many men who play black jack ?
My friend gave me this DVD couple days ago, she said: "The screenplay reminds me of you."
Me ? I mean like why on earth has to have a resonance with my life ?
I watched the movie eventually driven by my curiosity... and...
DAMN!
that movie is my real life in some ways! not my whole life but it pictures some sequels in my life lately!
My question [again]: Why there are more and more Mr Big, Joey and McSteamy in this world ?
Soo unfair...
Whilst at the same time, there are many cinderellas outside who dream to find their prince charming!
You gorgeous men out there, is love only about a manipulation of mind for you?
Oh My....!
He's so damn right!
nice and sweet woman is boring!
Sunday, 18 November 2007
CINTA
doa ibu saya tahun ini berbeda, ketika beliau mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun untuk saya empat hari yang lalu.
Ibu saya tidak pernah menuntut... Ibu saya orang yang keras dan tegar... mungkin dari sana juga "kekerasan' saya berasal.
iya... doa ibu saya tahun ini, ingin saya "segera diberi jalan" tentunya untuk menuju ke jenjang pernikahan...
saya tidak pernah terpengaruh atau terkena sindrom "ingin menikah" ketika teman-teman saya beramai-ramai menikah, ketika orang-orang di sekitar saya terlampau semangat menanyakan kapan saya menikah. Saya menikah karena memang sudah saatnya saya menikah, saya menikah karena saya ingin menikah... saya menikah karena Allah.
dan itulah kenapa sampai sekarang Dia belum "mengijinkan" saya menikah. Sederhana saja karena saya belum mampu mencintai karena Allah... saya masih dikuasai oleh nafsu saya untuk mencintai seseorang... saya belum ikhlas... saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari orang yang saya cintai... dan bahkan saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari cinta itu sendiri. Padahal seperti saya katakan sebelumnya saya ingin mencintai karena-Nya.
Saya belum mampu.
saya bahkan masih mencari bentuk cinta karena-Nya itu... kungkungan nafsu saya lebih besar dari rasa ikhlas saya...
Tuhan tahu saya belum mampu untuk berkomitmen... Dia juga amat sangat tahu, saya tidak ingin kecewa karena saya gagal untuk mencapai tahapan cinta itu.. ketika saya melagkah ke jenjang itu tentu saja saya ingin "menghamba" dan Dia tahu... saya belum siap.
saya bersyukur saya diberi kemampuan untuk membuka mata dan telinga, belajar apa cinta itu dari sekeliling saya. Orang tua saya, kakak saya, siapa saja... saya tahu ada bentuk "keindahan" dalam sebuah keihlasan...
saya menunggu.
Menunggu sebuah cahaya kecil dari Tuhan penanda cinta saya berkembang.
saya lama tak berdoa.
lama tak bersujud... mungkin sajadah panjang saya juga bertanya-tanya keriaan macam apa yang melenakan saya.
karena Ibu saya, saya rindu menekuri kembali malam-malam panjang saya untuk "berbicara" pada-Nya
belajar untuk ikhlas...
belajar untuk mencintai dari-Nya...
....dalam kelelahan saya menyusuri jalan panjang ini bersama dia yang saya kasihi, saya temukan sebuah kenikmatan.
dan saya sadar, kenikmata ini hanya secuil kecil dari apa yang akan kita rasai nanti ketika kita telah mampu menyanding Allah di atas cinta kita. InsyaAllah... Amien
Ibu saya tidak pernah menuntut... Ibu saya orang yang keras dan tegar... mungkin dari sana juga "kekerasan' saya berasal.
iya... doa ibu saya tahun ini, ingin saya "segera diberi jalan" tentunya untuk menuju ke jenjang pernikahan...
saya tidak pernah terpengaruh atau terkena sindrom "ingin menikah" ketika teman-teman saya beramai-ramai menikah, ketika orang-orang di sekitar saya terlampau semangat menanyakan kapan saya menikah. Saya menikah karena memang sudah saatnya saya menikah, saya menikah karena saya ingin menikah... saya menikah karena Allah.
dan itulah kenapa sampai sekarang Dia belum "mengijinkan" saya menikah. Sederhana saja karena saya belum mampu mencintai karena Allah... saya masih dikuasai oleh nafsu saya untuk mencintai seseorang... saya belum ikhlas... saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari orang yang saya cintai... dan bahkan saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari cinta itu sendiri. Padahal seperti saya katakan sebelumnya saya ingin mencintai karena-Nya.
Saya belum mampu.
saya bahkan masih mencari bentuk cinta karena-Nya itu... kungkungan nafsu saya lebih besar dari rasa ikhlas saya...
Tuhan tahu saya belum mampu untuk berkomitmen... Dia juga amat sangat tahu, saya tidak ingin kecewa karena saya gagal untuk mencapai tahapan cinta itu.. ketika saya melagkah ke jenjang itu tentu saja saya ingin "menghamba" dan Dia tahu... saya belum siap.
saya bersyukur saya diberi kemampuan untuk membuka mata dan telinga, belajar apa cinta itu dari sekeliling saya. Orang tua saya, kakak saya, siapa saja... saya tahu ada bentuk "keindahan" dalam sebuah keihlasan...
saya menunggu.
Menunggu sebuah cahaya kecil dari Tuhan penanda cinta saya berkembang.
saya lama tak berdoa.
lama tak bersujud... mungkin sajadah panjang saya juga bertanya-tanya keriaan macam apa yang melenakan saya.
karena Ibu saya, saya rindu menekuri kembali malam-malam panjang saya untuk "berbicara" pada-Nya
belajar untuk ikhlas...
belajar untuk mencintai dari-Nya...
....dalam kelelahan saya menyusuri jalan panjang ini bersama dia yang saya kasihi, saya temukan sebuah kenikmatan.
dan saya sadar, kenikmata ini hanya secuil kecil dari apa yang akan kita rasai nanti ketika kita telah mampu menyanding Allah di atas cinta kita. InsyaAllah... Amien
madness
why oh why... when u have too many things on your plate u just dunno how to start ! why ????
i'm bit drama queen now, i have billion articles need to be done before i take off for my end-year holiday, but like now-i'm stuck! it's crazy u know... i'm freaking out! and i'm broke also... what a perfect combination, eh ??
this morning i struggled to arrange my roses... u'll understand if u pop-in my room.... roses everywhere hahaha... think it's more than 500 roses now. well... i do keep all the roses given by my bf.. hahaha don't ask why, i collect memorable things u know.. indeed many of them are dried, hence i transformed them became poutporry =p
my family back home is throwing a surprise party for my brother now and i am stuck here in front of my macbook! ironic! my bf is with his family as well now in sweden... hmmm... i'm lonesome ! what happen with my life today ? i don't even know my kos-mate u know... well i met them couple of times to say "hi&bye" and that's it i don't know their name and i'm sure they don't get bother to get to know my name either *sigh* tragic!
i spend most of my times in the office, that's my life i guess. Thank's God i have amazing friends there, in contrary the owner like a jackass, he treats us like dirt and slave! what a perfect life! sometime i'm thinking why i have to work in a palce where the owner desn't even give a shit bout my existence... doesn't he realise that without my articles his magz won't be able to published... well missing at least 15 pages !ridicolous! indeed the reason why i'm staying is my editor... he asked me to stay! and since he's a very good editor yeah.. i stay for my own sake, have so many things to learn from him.
so do envy my life ! perfect job with heartless boss, anti-sosial life and... long distance relationship!
i'm bit drama queen now, i have billion articles need to be done before i take off for my end-year holiday, but like now-i'm stuck! it's crazy u know... i'm freaking out! and i'm broke also... what a perfect combination, eh ??
this morning i struggled to arrange my roses... u'll understand if u pop-in my room.... roses everywhere hahaha... think it's more than 500 roses now. well... i do keep all the roses given by my bf.. hahaha don't ask why, i collect memorable things u know.. indeed many of them are dried, hence i transformed them became poutporry =p
my family back home is throwing a surprise party for my brother now and i am stuck here in front of my macbook! ironic! my bf is with his family as well now in sweden... hmmm... i'm lonesome ! what happen with my life today ? i don't even know my kos-mate u know... well i met them couple of times to say "hi&bye" and that's it i don't know their name and i'm sure they don't get bother to get to know my name either *sigh* tragic!
i spend most of my times in the office, that's my life i guess. Thank's God i have amazing friends there, in contrary the owner like a jackass, he treats us like dirt and slave! what a perfect life! sometime i'm thinking why i have to work in a palce where the owner desn't even give a shit bout my existence... doesn't he realise that without my articles his magz won't be able to published... well missing at least 15 pages !ridicolous! indeed the reason why i'm staying is my editor... he asked me to stay! and since he's a very good editor yeah.. i stay for my own sake, have so many things to learn from him.
so do envy my life ! perfect job with heartless boss, anti-sosial life and... long distance relationship!
Friday, 16 November 2007
lucky bitch !!!
got another 100 roses today HAHAHAHAHAHA..
aha... even my editor envy me =D
I was still enjoying my lilies, smell so good u know I just knew that lily' smell is so exotic =p
well it suddenly became my fav flower... anyway,and my bf sent another hundred roses along with chocs
oohhh fell so goooood u know!
i should've taken a pic next time I get another flowers to show u how beautiful it is... and and to make you jealous! hahaha!
yeah I'm that lucky bitch ! hahahaha that's what my friends called me hihihi!
aha... even my editor envy me =D
I was still enjoying my lilies, smell so good u know I just knew that lily' smell is so exotic =p
well it suddenly became my fav flower... anyway,and my bf sent another hundred roses along with chocs
oohhh fell so goooood u know!
i should've taken a pic next time I get another flowers to show u how beautiful it is... and and to make you jealous! hahaha!
yeah I'm that lucky bitch ! hahahaha that's what my friends called me hihihi!
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
Birthday !!
was so much fun... =) think it was one of the best birthday i've ever had.
so grateful that i'm circled by lovely friends, because of them this day was a blast!
thank you so much...
esp for them who have texted me with their beautiful words, my friends at the office including my editor who made me laughed so much today and felt special, my family who have been giving me so much affection ... and for nandy and prita for the stupid "one for all, all for one" moment! and last but not least... for my bf who had showered me with graceful lilies!
cheers for me! =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
so grateful that i'm circled by lovely friends, because of them this day was a blast!
thank you so much...
esp for them who have texted me with their beautiful words, my friends at the office including my editor who made me laughed so much today and felt special, my family who have been giving me so much affection ... and for nandy and prita for the stupid "one for all, all for one" moment! and last but not least... for my bf who had showered me with graceful lilies!
cheers for me! =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Tuesday, 13 November 2007
I AM [still] 26
when i WAS 26... think the higlight of my 26 was; getting this job hmmm... not the best in the world but hey... i'm doing the thing that i love to do!
what else ?
almost nothing i guess... =) throughout the year I've been learning "to work" u know what I mean ? employed by such company, being a staff, have to obey companies' rules and policy, having possibility to get sacked, get paid monthly with the same amount ... u know... i'm raised in the business oriented type of family, all my fam are doing enterpreunership [misspell, i guess] whateva, they have staffs, they run the company, they pay people to do things, they can take holiday at anytime they want to... it's very different world. Thus, every month my dad always ask : have u got any raise ?? yeah... I wish! all my family laugh so much when they knew how much I earn! again whateva!!
For many times my dad asked me whether I want to start my own business... and I'm still having the same answer, NO. I dunno why I don't think I have that kind of passion to become a businessman... someday maybe I want to have my own eatery =) Maybe... I'll meet Jamie Oliver and we become partner, who knows =) AMIEN!
I've got the nicest early b'day gift though... from this embassy! Hooorayyy!!! so, yeah hope i'll be starting my 27 with something magnificent =) [oya, have got two b'day presents from my mom n sibling this afternoon and... free chiropractic treatment from the owner! woohoooo]
hmmm... indeed I have some goals that I want to achieve; one thing for sure I want to become a better moslem, seriously! Been away too long... =( been experiencing this iman' degradation, bad nina! .... continuing on my book which I failed to finish it on my 26 [d'oh] then.... couple personal things that I really want to pursue this age...
Finger cross to all my wishes!
Hope tomorrow will brings way better and illuminous days =)
what else ?
almost nothing i guess... =) throughout the year I've been learning "to work" u know what I mean ? employed by such company, being a staff, have to obey companies' rules and policy, having possibility to get sacked, get paid monthly with the same amount ... u know... i'm raised in the business oriented type of family, all my fam are doing enterpreunership [misspell, i guess] whateva, they have staffs, they run the company, they pay people to do things, they can take holiday at anytime they want to... it's very different world. Thus, every month my dad always ask : have u got any raise ?? yeah... I wish! all my family laugh so much when they knew how much I earn! again whateva!!
For many times my dad asked me whether I want to start my own business... and I'm still having the same answer, NO. I dunno why I don't think I have that kind of passion to become a businessman... someday maybe I want to have my own eatery =) Maybe... I'll meet Jamie Oliver and we become partner, who knows =) AMIEN!
I've got the nicest early b'day gift though... from this embassy! Hooorayyy!!! so, yeah hope i'll be starting my 27 with something magnificent =) [oya, have got two b'day presents from my mom n sibling this afternoon and... free chiropractic treatment from the owner! woohoooo]
hmmm... indeed I have some goals that I want to achieve; one thing for sure I want to become a better moslem, seriously! Been away too long... =( been experiencing this iman' degradation, bad nina! .... continuing on my book which I failed to finish it on my 26 [d'oh] then.... couple personal things that I really want to pursue this age...
Finger cross to all my wishes!
Hope tomorrow will brings way better and illuminous days =)
Sunday, 11 November 2007
November, 11
I’m heading to my 27. On Wednesday I’ll be 27. I remembered, once I made a kind of goal or whatever you wanna call, I would be settled when I’m 27. And.. yeah here I am on my 27 and nowhere. I graduated from my master degree about two years ago and I’m stuck as a writer in this publication. Not that I don’t like my job, no no… I love it, this is the thing that I have always wanted to be.. but you know I should’ve been an editor at this moment, well theoretically I am a feature editor in this man’s magz but… well.. it’s not something that I can proud of for some reasons. And I should’ve have had my own book being published!
I should’ve already became a feature or documentary radio producer in the BBC or wherever… yeah should’ve. Again not that I’m being ungrateful… for me it’s kind an indication that I haven’t done my best… though for so many times I feel that I’ve done my best. Yet knowing the result, I definitely far for where I am heading for…
People say that I have to be patience… and this is a phase where I’m in the stage of “growing in pains” I don’t have a clue… Am I having what so called twenty-something crisis ??? Gosh, I thought I was different… a friend of mine told me “celebrate your life, age is just a number! Have a wine it’ll make you better” yeah.. whatever mate! Nice try though.. it’s a matter of a state of mind!!! Hell yeah now I’m trying to make myself feel better.
I just watched movie titled Once, and Irish movie actually which tells about this singer and a songwriter who is struggle to make a music demo… Regardless its brilliant songs, I somehow grasped the core of its story; we have to be committed for whatever we are doing in life and be dedicated.
Recently I interviewed some artists (painters) in Yogyakarta. They are all the raising stars at this moment. Young, talented and again have a strong commitment. After I talked with them I can’t hide my admiration of them. Their stories were lulled me somehow… All I know that there’s no shortcut to succeed!
I consider myself as an artist as well. Don’t laugh! A writer create something beautiful through his/her story, their words… words that can move people, can lull people, can take them to other place… you know what I mean, eh ? It’s a work of creativity, like an artist really.
Anyway, the point is; I have to work harder. I have to be committed for what I am doing… I don’t want to be a lame writer for sure… I don’t want to be ordinary…
And indeed I want to accomplish my mission while I’m still having time to experience what life has to offer.
I should’ve already became a feature or documentary radio producer in the BBC or wherever… yeah should’ve. Again not that I’m being ungrateful… for me it’s kind an indication that I haven’t done my best… though for so many times I feel that I’ve done my best. Yet knowing the result, I definitely far for where I am heading for…
People say that I have to be patience… and this is a phase where I’m in the stage of “growing in pains” I don’t have a clue… Am I having what so called twenty-something crisis ??? Gosh, I thought I was different… a friend of mine told me “celebrate your life, age is just a number! Have a wine it’ll make you better” yeah.. whatever mate! Nice try though.. it’s a matter of a state of mind!!! Hell yeah now I’m trying to make myself feel better.
I just watched movie titled Once, and Irish movie actually which tells about this singer and a songwriter who is struggle to make a music demo… Regardless its brilliant songs, I somehow grasped the core of its story; we have to be committed for whatever we are doing in life and be dedicated.
Recently I interviewed some artists (painters) in Yogyakarta. They are all the raising stars at this moment. Young, talented and again have a strong commitment. After I talked with them I can’t hide my admiration of them. Their stories were lulled me somehow… All I know that there’s no shortcut to succeed!
I consider myself as an artist as well. Don’t laugh! A writer create something beautiful through his/her story, their words… words that can move people, can lull people, can take them to other place… you know what I mean, eh ? It’s a work of creativity, like an artist really.
Anyway, the point is; I have to work harder. I have to be committed for what I am doing… I don’t want to be a lame writer for sure… I don’t want to be ordinary…
And indeed I want to accomplish my mission while I’m still having time to experience what life has to offer.
Saturday, 10 November 2007
hot seat..
di cubicle saya ada dua kursi, satu tentunya untuk saya duduk yang satu-nya lagi... entah kenapa ada di cubicle saya. Kalau berpikir untuk menerima tamu, tentu saja salah saya tidak menerima tamu di kantor... tepatnya di cubicle saya... my nest and mess, cubicle yang kata teman-teman kerja saya paling "happening" dengan pernak-pernik nggak penting. Hey... it's me.. I love pernak-pernik nggak penting! visual yang indah penting buat saya!
Anyway, kursi ini menjadi hot seat! seperti ada magnet tersendiri. Entah kenapa selalu saja setiap hari-nya ada yang duduk di kursi itu... bercerita. Yah... seperti pengakuan dosa atau justru membuat dosa... that's right dengan bitching someone else! Indeed saya menjadi seperti seorang pastor/pendeta yang menyimpan setiap "sampah" teman-teman kerja saya ini... lagi, entah kenapa!
am not complaining here... am actually thinking to put such recorder there.. hehehehe... and i'll compile those stories... semacam the office hahaha! mungkin kalau saya cerita di sini pasti akan menarik sekali... tapi hmm.. pastinya keesokan harinya saya dimusuhin teman sekantor, =p not really a good idea, is it ? unless saya sudah ingin mengakhiri hidup saya di dunia publishing hehehe...
it's fun to be honest... telling the truth saya tidak berpikir untuk 'mengenyahkan' kursi itu... biar saja, mungkin kursi itu memang dibutuhkan untuk 'menyeimbangkan' jiwa kita... yang haus ngomongin orang, mengutuk orang to make ourselves feel better...=) aren't we all ?
atau mungkin lebih cocok dijuluki kursi pesakitan ??? hmmm... =p
Anyway, kursi ini menjadi hot seat! seperti ada magnet tersendiri. Entah kenapa selalu saja setiap hari-nya ada yang duduk di kursi itu... bercerita. Yah... seperti pengakuan dosa atau justru membuat dosa... that's right dengan bitching someone else! Indeed saya menjadi seperti seorang pastor/pendeta yang menyimpan setiap "sampah" teman-teman kerja saya ini... lagi, entah kenapa!
am not complaining here... am actually thinking to put such recorder there.. hehehehe... and i'll compile those stories... semacam the office hahaha! mungkin kalau saya cerita di sini pasti akan menarik sekali... tapi hmm.. pastinya keesokan harinya saya dimusuhin teman sekantor, =p not really a good idea, is it ? unless saya sudah ingin mengakhiri hidup saya di dunia publishing hehehe...
it's fun to be honest... telling the truth saya tidak berpikir untuk 'mengenyahkan' kursi itu... biar saja, mungkin kursi itu memang dibutuhkan untuk 'menyeimbangkan' jiwa kita... yang haus ngomongin orang, mengutuk orang to make ourselves feel better...=) aren't we all ?
atau mungkin lebih cocok dijuluki kursi pesakitan ??? hmmm... =p
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
airy head !
have i told u that i am working on three magz at the same tme now ? yeah... the strangest thing is i dont feel depress! I love it in fact... hmm again maybe it's because of the rainy season! met some nice sources lately too =) indeed have made things easier for me. I miss to read a lot though, feel so stupid lately.. u know when u get used to feed ur soul with books then when u don't have a time even to touch a book or "magz" like newsweek or time u'll feel like you are the most idiot people on the earth??? u even feel that u forget to insert ur brain in ur head ? that's what i feel, airy head!!! poor me!
Screw, i dn't want to be dull u know... think i really need to make time to read something highbrow huhuhuhu! Am going to interview a prominent TV anchor and Editor next week [don't want to mention her/his name] excited and damn nervous at the same time. U know as a journalist u don't want to look stupid in front of other journalist even she/he more senior than you... you don't want to ask stupid questions... things have to be perfect u know! need to prepare it days before... gonna be great, i know it! finger cross for this! no airy head to be sure!
Screw, i dn't want to be dull u know... think i really need to make time to read something highbrow huhuhuhu! Am going to interview a prominent TV anchor and Editor next week [don't want to mention her/his name] excited and damn nervous at the same time. U know as a journalist u don't want to look stupid in front of other journalist even she/he more senior than you... you don't want to ask stupid questions... things have to be perfect u know! need to prepare it days before... gonna be great, i know it! finger cross for this! no airy head to be sure!
Friday, 26 October 2007
in love
i think i'm in love with this life... =)
i don't have a perfect life obviously, yet i am amazed with this life has to offer.
and the top of it is i have the reason to wake up every morning, and i think that is the most important thing in life.
i have something that i look forward, something that keeps me moving on.
this life has been teaching me a lot! and I started to understand that the heart of life is good, even when we were in our deep shit. Dunno, maybe it's because the rainy season is coming in which makes my heart warmer.
My birthday is approaching too... I always love November, sweet and romantic.
In fact, I have successfully made a friend with my wounds and my scars. People say, one of the good theraphies to overcome your fear or hatred is to confront it extremely, and I did. I feel good and fine now... the strangest thing is, even the air smells like lavender =) seriously... ohh I love the rain most !!!!
Planing to visit my bf end of this year, spend x-mas and new year in the winter scene, hmm miss that really! hopefully it gonna works as it has planned [finger cross] can't wait to see him and winter...wooohoooo...xxxx
Thinking about my birthday, damn it's stressful! "how old are you ?" "have u married?" "why, what are you looking for?" "you are a woman,.." "look at your friends they are all married" "remember you are getting older" "think about ur parents don't be selfish" yada yada yada... I talked with my friend I said to him "look this year will be my last birthday as a single. Next year i'll celebrate my birthday as Mrs someone." He laughed so much! and said with a grined, "looking forward to that day." Hey, I'll get married eventually u know... why people think I dont really "in" to marriage, is it stamped in my forehead ?
Hmm, well I'm not really worried bout that at this moment, I'm enjoying my ride with its ups and downs. I have a good job, doing what I love to do, I have very nice and lovable bf, I have the best mother and brother ever, I have gorgeous friends, I am in the place where I have always wanted to be and I believe it will takes me further up.
So yeah, why don't we just swing this life ??
i don't have a perfect life obviously, yet i am amazed with this life has to offer.
and the top of it is i have the reason to wake up every morning, and i think that is the most important thing in life.
i have something that i look forward, something that keeps me moving on.
this life has been teaching me a lot! and I started to understand that the heart of life is good, even when we were in our deep shit. Dunno, maybe it's because the rainy season is coming in which makes my heart warmer.
My birthday is approaching too... I always love November, sweet and romantic.
In fact, I have successfully made a friend with my wounds and my scars. People say, one of the good theraphies to overcome your fear or hatred is to confront it extremely, and I did. I feel good and fine now... the strangest thing is, even the air smells like lavender =) seriously... ohh I love the rain most !!!!
Planing to visit my bf end of this year, spend x-mas and new year in the winter scene, hmm miss that really! hopefully it gonna works as it has planned [finger cross] can't wait to see him and winter...wooohoooo...xxxx
Thinking about my birthday, damn it's stressful! "how old are you ?" "have u married?" "why, what are you looking for?" "you are a woman,.." "look at your friends they are all married" "remember you are getting older" "think about ur parents don't be selfish" yada yada yada... I talked with my friend I said to him "look this year will be my last birthday as a single. Next year i'll celebrate my birthday as Mrs someone." He laughed so much! and said with a grined, "looking forward to that day." Hey, I'll get married eventually u know... why people think I dont really "in" to marriage, is it stamped in my forehead ?
Hmm, well I'm not really worried bout that at this moment, I'm enjoying my ride with its ups and downs. I have a good job, doing what I love to do, I have very nice and lovable bf, I have the best mother and brother ever, I have gorgeous friends, I am in the place where I have always wanted to be and I believe it will takes me further up.
So yeah, why don't we just swing this life ??
Sunday, 21 October 2007
an easy weekend
it's nice u know to have a simple and easy weekend... just being lazy and enjoying the life =)
spent my saturday by watching dvds [the motorcycle diary and I could never be your woman] while having davidoff coffee and mini voglie.... i can even imagine its fine aroma now, nice... =p hot showered with lavender, calming and soothing indeed...then talked with a friend of mine bout his blackjack theory [yeah, whateva mate..] kind a adventour of the solitudes hahahaha... two adult 'n single people who prefer to spend their weekend at home, being lazy instead of hitting the night crowd and play the blackjack... hmm... ironic! still we claimed we were enjoying our life... but i am actually... some simple things that make this life different... and content, to be honest.
and today, went around Kuningan just to breath the rain...so nice u know, i love the rain most, romantic and melacholic i can felt my creative energy was blasted! watched another dvd, i am sam... was very good. very very good moreover with all the beatless songs in it, wow! i didnt have a clue why i just watched it now, where was i ? hehehehe...
and now... with the flying fox smell in my body i am more that ready to work... =)
life is good, when you know how to treat it...
sometimes all you need is merely a simple lil thing to make ur life blissful.
=)
spent my saturday by watching dvds [the motorcycle diary and I could never be your woman] while having davidoff coffee and mini voglie.... i can even imagine its fine aroma now, nice... =p hot showered with lavender, calming and soothing indeed...then talked with a friend of mine bout his blackjack theory [yeah, whateva mate..] kind a adventour of the solitudes hahahaha... two adult 'n single people who prefer to spend their weekend at home, being lazy instead of hitting the night crowd and play the blackjack... hmm... ironic! still we claimed we were enjoying our life... but i am actually... some simple things that make this life different... and content, to be honest.
and today, went around Kuningan just to breath the rain...so nice u know, i love the rain most, romantic and melacholic i can felt my creative energy was blasted! watched another dvd, i am sam... was very good. very very good moreover with all the beatless songs in it, wow! i didnt have a clue why i just watched it now, where was i ? hehehehe...
and now... with the flying fox smell in my body i am more that ready to work... =)
life is good, when you know how to treat it...
sometimes all you need is merely a simple lil thing to make ur life blissful.
=)
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
serenada tua
suatu hari di bulan tua... beberapa tahun yang lalu...
di sebuah bus yang melaju ke kota tua nan cantik, Edinburgh namanya.
sendiri
kuamati daun-daun yang beterbangan tertiup angin kencang siang itu
udara dingin dan aku terbalut rapat dalam coat coklat tua berlapis bulu tebal.
iya ini bulan tua, sudah menjelang musim dingin.
daun-daun pun kuning menua
berguguran, menambah romantis jalan-jalan di negeri yang amat sendu ini.
The Long and Winding Road dari The Beatles menemani mesra dari sebuah mini i-pod berwarna pink.
melancholic.
setelah hampir dua jam,
di sebuah kedai kopi di daerah Berwick upon Tweed bus berhenti.
angin kencang... udara pun tampak tak mau bersahabat
boots kulit coklat yang kukenakan tak mampu menahan dingin.
secangkir hot chocolate dan Royal Edinburgh shortbread fingers terhidang cantik di atas meja kayu oak tua
kuseduh pelan.
daun kuning dan coklat menghujaniku.
bulan ini memang sudah sangat tua.
ketika itu, aku berpikir tentang hari ini.
sebuah masa di mana aku merindukan daun kuning menua ini.
tak lama bus kembali berjalan,
melanjutkan sisa rute, menuju ke kastil tua di tengah kota Edinburgh.
daun daun gugur itu beterbangan tertiup deru knalpot bus.
melayang dan jatuh.
seperti masa... yang juga menguning.
Edinburgh castle... tua namun tetap anggun,
cantik di tengah kota yang dipenuhi manusia dari ragam jagat
kastil tua, daun tua, bulan tua,...
hatiku juga menua dalam kisaran masa yang berputar bak labirin,
menyesatkan.
namun ketuaan-ketuaan itu membawa damai
seperti kastil tua yang menjadi saksi polah-tingkah manusia manusia berabad-abad
seperti daun tua yang menghijau-kuning-coklat dan gugur dalam keromantisan
seperti bulan tua yang menyisakan pembelajaran dan pendewasaan
rasanya duduk di bulan tua di kota tua nan cantik Edinburgh dan dihujani daun-daun tua adalah sebuah serenada hidup yang klasik dan merdu seperti waltz.
dan aku amat rindu dengan senandung waltz itu.
di sebuah bus yang melaju ke kota tua nan cantik, Edinburgh namanya.
sendiri
kuamati daun-daun yang beterbangan tertiup angin kencang siang itu
udara dingin dan aku terbalut rapat dalam coat coklat tua berlapis bulu tebal.
iya ini bulan tua, sudah menjelang musim dingin.
daun-daun pun kuning menua
berguguran, menambah romantis jalan-jalan di negeri yang amat sendu ini.
The Long and Winding Road dari The Beatles menemani mesra dari sebuah mini i-pod berwarna pink.
melancholic.
setelah hampir dua jam,
di sebuah kedai kopi di daerah Berwick upon Tweed bus berhenti.
angin kencang... udara pun tampak tak mau bersahabat
boots kulit coklat yang kukenakan tak mampu menahan dingin.
secangkir hot chocolate dan Royal Edinburgh shortbread fingers terhidang cantik di atas meja kayu oak tua
kuseduh pelan.
daun kuning dan coklat menghujaniku.
bulan ini memang sudah sangat tua.
ketika itu, aku berpikir tentang hari ini.
sebuah masa di mana aku merindukan daun kuning menua ini.
tak lama bus kembali berjalan,
melanjutkan sisa rute, menuju ke kastil tua di tengah kota Edinburgh.
daun daun gugur itu beterbangan tertiup deru knalpot bus.
melayang dan jatuh.
seperti masa... yang juga menguning.
Edinburgh castle... tua namun tetap anggun,
cantik di tengah kota yang dipenuhi manusia dari ragam jagat
kastil tua, daun tua, bulan tua,...
hatiku juga menua dalam kisaran masa yang berputar bak labirin,
menyesatkan.
namun ketuaan-ketuaan itu membawa damai
seperti kastil tua yang menjadi saksi polah-tingkah manusia manusia berabad-abad
seperti daun tua yang menghijau-kuning-coklat dan gugur dalam keromantisan
seperti bulan tua yang menyisakan pembelajaran dan pendewasaan
rasanya duduk di bulan tua di kota tua nan cantik Edinburgh dan dihujani daun-daun tua adalah sebuah serenada hidup yang klasik dan merdu seperti waltz.
dan aku amat rindu dengan senandung waltz itu.
Saturday, 29 September 2007
57 seconds
I went to Aksara bookstore this afternoon, I found a book entittled "Fifty Seven Seconds" . When I saw it in a glance, I immediately understood wht the book is all about, ... yes it is about Yogyakarta' earthquake that hit on late May last year. I was there, I testified the gloomy Saturday. Yes I'm a part of that history. I bought it straight away despite on its bloody expensive price... yet I think it's worthed... again it is a documentation of a drama in my life.
I have read it. It touched me deeply. I was a part of that drama....
I remember, my house was the only one that wasn't damage, Alhamdulillah, the houses surrounded were badly damage and collapse. More than seven of my close neighbours were died. My best friend parents , both were died at once. I was shocked.
That early morning I was still on my bed, sleeping. When the earth started rumbling, I felt that my body had thrown away from my bed, I fell on the floor, hit my red laptop. I was trying to stand up and walk, didn't work... then I crawl, trying to get out from my room. I looked at my parent's room, the door was shut down, so I thought they weren't there since the night before they said that they are going to exercise early morning. I ran outside, all I could think was getting out the house safely. I didn't know what time it was.
I managed to get out from my house where I found almost all of my neighbours were on the street, panicked. I asked my maids where were my mom and dad, none of them were answered my Q, they were shocked. I slapped one of them to wake them up cos I needed to know where were my mom and dad. One of them said that they trapped inside.
Without saying a word, I ran back inside my house when the earth still swinging, I couldn't remember how I managed to get in. I saw my mom and dad were crawling to reach their room's door. When I was going to help them, I saw scattered glasses everywhere... I knew once I stepped in, it would torn my skin. My dad shout "stand there and find a flip-flops for mom"
I grabbed any flip-flop for my dad and mom... and I wore one for me... I passed through the living room where all my mom' crystal decoratives were cracked all over the floor.
I helped my dad to hold-up and support my mom, she was shocked, panicked and stressed. My mom and dad kept praying while I headed them to go outside the house. When I realised, the view outside was so so horrible, it was just something you never had imagined in your life and the least thing you wanted to experience in this world. I saw 80% of the buildings around my house were collapse, people were crying and shouting... so chaotic. I dragged a chair from the terrace to the street, I asked my mom to sit and calm herself down.
Everybody were still wondering what was just happened, no one had a clear clue. I remembered my brother who lived at the north part of Yogya, near Mount Merapi. Everybody thought the earthquake cause by the volcanic mount activities. And that was why I was so worried bout my bro, I didn't remember how my dad' mobile was in me.. anyway I tried to call him billion times, the network was so bad, couldnt got through. I was panicked, knowing that even in my area where it is miles away from the mount was badly affected, how about there ? My mom was crying so much...
the second after, my neighbours were histerical, they started to find that they missed their family members.
Gosh! then another earthquakes were hit... followed by another scream,... I stood still next to my mom. She was ill at that time. I didn't want to take a chance to leave her in any second.
Somehow I knew it was still 6 am!
My brother and my sister in-law shown-up after some times, we were so relieved to see them alright. He was so surprised knowing that the neighbourhood was affected so badly. We talked and discuss about all the possibilities, how about if another big scale earthquakes were struck, how about if the tsunami happend... how... how... We both tried our best to use our logic and made smart decision for the family especially for our mom.
Then everyone were running and screaming.."tsunami...tsunami...tsunami.." My mom was so panicked and wanted to run away with the mass. I hold her and asked her to sit, I looked up at the sky at the south where the south sea is, then my brother and I gazed each other... "it'll be fine, no tsunami.. InshAllah" my dad and some of my neighbour shout "no tsunami, calm down... just calm down... " some of them were listened, many of them were so panicked and run... My brother and I learned from Aceh tragedy, the signs of tsunami. One of the lessons is the nature sign, when the animals -in our case birds- are flickering away from the sea it means we are in danger.
No Tsunami.
After a while, we were shocked by the numbers of us who were injured. Some of them were trapped on the buildings. And they were dying. I didn't know what should I do... after a while, I saw dead... and another dead...and another....
I was so stressed!
For more than a week, my house then became a kind of barrack. lot of my neighboors were sleeping in the garage and terrace. None of us were actually have a gut to be in the building. We were traumatic... since hundred of small and medium scale of earthquake were still hit.
Me my self and my family went to our other house outside the city--for the safety reason-- felt so bad since we had to be away from our suffer neighbour, but I think it was the best decision that my brother and I made. My mom were bit mad at us, cause we were so hard on her. We don't want to endanger her and we love her so much... that's why.. well maybe we were bit over-protective...
The recovery is still going on till today. For sme of us, they have to pay this drama very very expensive by losing their beloved ones and their treasures. I can say, me and my family were so lucky and we are so grateful...
In the end, we simply human rite ? so weak and fragile... and what I've learnt was we can't choose when, where and how the death greets us.
yeah... it was merely 57 seconds drama... with more than 6000 people died.
only 57 seconds.
I have read it. It touched me deeply. I was a part of that drama....
I remember, my house was the only one that wasn't damage, Alhamdulillah, the houses surrounded were badly damage and collapse. More than seven of my close neighbours were died. My best friend parents , both were died at once. I was shocked.
That early morning I was still on my bed, sleeping. When the earth started rumbling, I felt that my body had thrown away from my bed, I fell on the floor, hit my red laptop. I was trying to stand up and walk, didn't work... then I crawl, trying to get out from my room. I looked at my parent's room, the door was shut down, so I thought they weren't there since the night before they said that they are going to exercise early morning. I ran outside, all I could think was getting out the house safely. I didn't know what time it was.
I managed to get out from my house where I found almost all of my neighbours were on the street, panicked. I asked my maids where were my mom and dad, none of them were answered my Q, they were shocked. I slapped one of them to wake them up cos I needed to know where were my mom and dad. One of them said that they trapped inside.
Without saying a word, I ran back inside my house when the earth still swinging, I couldn't remember how I managed to get in. I saw my mom and dad were crawling to reach their room's door. When I was going to help them, I saw scattered glasses everywhere... I knew once I stepped in, it would torn my skin. My dad shout "stand there and find a flip-flops for mom"
I grabbed any flip-flop for my dad and mom... and I wore one for me... I passed through the living room where all my mom' crystal decoratives were cracked all over the floor.
I helped my dad to hold-up and support my mom, she was shocked, panicked and stressed. My mom and dad kept praying while I headed them to go outside the house. When I realised, the view outside was so so horrible, it was just something you never had imagined in your life and the least thing you wanted to experience in this world. I saw 80% of the buildings around my house were collapse, people were crying and shouting... so chaotic. I dragged a chair from the terrace to the street, I asked my mom to sit and calm herself down.
Everybody were still wondering what was just happened, no one had a clear clue. I remembered my brother who lived at the north part of Yogya, near Mount Merapi. Everybody thought the earthquake cause by the volcanic mount activities. And that was why I was so worried bout my bro, I didn't remember how my dad' mobile was in me.. anyway I tried to call him billion times, the network was so bad, couldnt got through. I was panicked, knowing that even in my area where it is miles away from the mount was badly affected, how about there ? My mom was crying so much...
the second after, my neighbours were histerical, they started to find that they missed their family members.
Gosh! then another earthquakes were hit... followed by another scream,... I stood still next to my mom. She was ill at that time. I didn't want to take a chance to leave her in any second.
Somehow I knew it was still 6 am!
My brother and my sister in-law shown-up after some times, we were so relieved to see them alright. He was so surprised knowing that the neighbourhood was affected so badly. We talked and discuss about all the possibilities, how about if another big scale earthquakes were struck, how about if the tsunami happend... how... how... We both tried our best to use our logic and made smart decision for the family especially for our mom.
Then everyone were running and screaming.."tsunami...tsunami...tsunami.." My mom was so panicked and wanted to run away with the mass. I hold her and asked her to sit, I looked up at the sky at the south where the south sea is, then my brother and I gazed each other... "it'll be fine, no tsunami.. InshAllah" my dad and some of my neighbour shout "no tsunami, calm down... just calm down... " some of them were listened, many of them were so panicked and run... My brother and I learned from Aceh tragedy, the signs of tsunami. One of the lessons is the nature sign, when the animals -in our case birds- are flickering away from the sea it means we are in danger.
No Tsunami.
After a while, we were shocked by the numbers of us who were injured. Some of them were trapped on the buildings. And they were dying. I didn't know what should I do... after a while, I saw dead... and another dead...and another....
I was so stressed!
For more than a week, my house then became a kind of barrack. lot of my neighboors were sleeping in the garage and terrace. None of us were actually have a gut to be in the building. We were traumatic... since hundred of small and medium scale of earthquake were still hit.
Me my self and my family went to our other house outside the city--for the safety reason-- felt so bad since we had to be away from our suffer neighbour, but I think it was the best decision that my brother and I made. My mom were bit mad at us, cause we were so hard on her. We don't want to endanger her and we love her so much... that's why.. well maybe we were bit over-protective...
The recovery is still going on till today. For sme of us, they have to pay this drama very very expensive by losing their beloved ones and their treasures. I can say, me and my family were so lucky and we are so grateful...
In the end, we simply human rite ? so weak and fragile... and what I've learnt was we can't choose when, where and how the death greets us.
yeah... it was merely 57 seconds drama... with more than 6000 people died.
only 57 seconds.
Monday, 24 September 2007
Married ?
Is it true that marriage can change people life ? Maybe in a way, yeah.
I read my friends' blog last night, they just got married not so long ago, and I envy their beautiful soul, u know... they have became mature and wiser on perceiving this life. I believe that marriage is good well therefore it's becomes an obligation for moslem. Telling u the truth I definitely not that married type of woman, I think about it a lot yes, but not to go to that direction yet how to avoid that and find the perfect justification. I don't see the idea of living together with same person for the rest of my life is suit to me... not that I am not loyal, d'oh! It's just the willingness to share, to tolerate, to dedicate... and so forth and so on just makes me hard to breath, seriously. Maybe something wrong with me but... that's how it is.
I was thinking to get married at the soonest last night, and... I was stressed and freaked out! it's not that I don't believe in my partner, I do believe him so much that he'll bring such a joyful life to me... I don't believe in my self that's the thing! I'm totally screw! Gosh, I am twenty something and having this life crisis! Anyone, do you know how to beat this paranoid ? I want to move on with my life... u know the thing with "the rest of your life" is stressing me out!!! How do these people easily decided to get married? oh My... Help me!
I read my friends' blog last night, they just got married not so long ago, and I envy their beautiful soul, u know... they have became mature and wiser on perceiving this life. I believe that marriage is good well therefore it's becomes an obligation for moslem. Telling u the truth I definitely not that married type of woman, I think about it a lot yes, but not to go to that direction yet how to avoid that and find the perfect justification. I don't see the idea of living together with same person for the rest of my life is suit to me... not that I am not loyal, d'oh! It's just the willingness to share, to tolerate, to dedicate... and so forth and so on just makes me hard to breath, seriously. Maybe something wrong with me but... that's how it is.
I was thinking to get married at the soonest last night, and... I was stressed and freaked out! it's not that I don't believe in my partner, I do believe him so much that he'll bring such a joyful life to me... I don't believe in my self that's the thing! I'm totally screw! Gosh, I am twenty something and having this life crisis! Anyone, do you know how to beat this paranoid ? I want to move on with my life... u know the thing with "the rest of your life" is stressing me out!!! How do these people easily decided to get married? oh My... Help me!
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Velentine ??
do u know how it feels to get hundred roses ???? i tell u, it feels amazing!! it'll makes ur day instantly, seriously!!! and that's what happnd to me today !!! I've just got bunch of red roses two days ago from my baby and today hundred red roses delivered in my desk!!! WOW!!! hahahahahaha... I successfuly made everyone in my office envy me, even my ME hahahaha, he even said, "Nina it's about a time to ask a black diamond instead of roses!" My first reaction when I knew I got these roses was speechless! I opened my mouth and.. couldn't found a perfect words to describe my emotion... I was touched to be honest and couldn't stop smiling, even now =) =) =) and the other thing I also got chocholate cake from The Park Lane Hotel and... a Swing CD from one of my sources... feels like valentine or birthday today! so so happy... thank you so much my deary... Thank you.... xoxoxox
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
old folks
setiap Ramadhan bagi saya selalu membawa kenangan-kenangan lama... tentang apa aja dan siapa saja. Ramadhan kali ini saya banyak teringat masa-masa saya di Yogya. Ramadhan di Yogya selalu istimewa bagi saya, yah mungkin waktu itu saya benar-banar mampu menikmati dan menghayati hikmah dan makna Ramadhan, tidak seperti akhir-akhir ini, banyak ter-distract dengan hal-hal duniawi yang saya jadikan "penting" dalam hidup saya, menyedihkan memang! Subuh ini saya menyadari bahwa manusia-manusia yang dulu menghiasi Ramadhan saya semua sudah berkeluarga! ahh, pastinya mereka saat ini sedang mengalami Ramadhan yang lebih "berwarna" dengan adanya orang-orang tercinta di samping mereka. Sementara saya sudah delapan tahun terakhir ini sahur sendirian, dan masih tetap sendiri di tempat-tempat yang berbeda. Tidak complain kok, hanya hmmm yah sedikit "berpikir" hehehehe... Dalam stage tertentu mungkin teman-teman saya ini sudah mapan, setidaknya setengah tujuan hidup manusia di dunia sudah mereka lampaui. Sementara saya hmmm masih mengejar-ngejar beberapa hal dalam hidup saya. Mungkin dalam point tertentu dalam hidup mereka, mereka sudah merasa puas and thus mereka telah mampu untuk menikah dan bekomitmen. Mungkin saya belum cukup percaya diri dengan apa-apa yang saya miliki saat ini... makanya saya masih mencari-cari dan milih-milih, iya benar HAREE GENEE, hehehehe. Tapi saya tahu juga dalam certain phase, teman-teman saya yang sudah berkeluarga akan melihat saya dan bilang "enak banget ya jadi elu, nggak punya beban, bebas 'n bisa kemana-mana." Yah, rumput tetangga kan selalu lebih hijau bukan ? Saat-saat tertentu di Ramadhan, saya ingin sekali kembali menghidupkan memory saya, menghubungi kembali teman lama dan bercerita, but damn mereka sudah menikah dan berkeluarga. Exactly, saya tidak mau mencari dan manjadi "masalah" dalam hubungan orang lain apalagi yang sudah berkeluarga, karena somehow saya sadar saya "akrab" sekali dengan "masalah" hehehehe... yah perkara hubungan saya SERING diganggu orang itu perkara beda lagi, toh what goes around comes around kan ? Makanya saya mencoba menjaga itu. Saya merindukan Ramadhan yang telah lalu... kapan ya saya bisa memaknai Ramadhan seperti sebelum-sebelumnya atau bahkan jauh lebih bermakna... InshAllah semoga Tuhan masih memberi kesempatan saya untuk meraih kemenangan-kemenangan Ramadhan Amien. Btw, saya kangen "gigi dua membawa pensil!"
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Semesta Bertasbih
It's Ramadhan.... Alhamdulillah... I really think that Ramadhan is tailored for the people like me. I've been away to far gone from Him... and I miss Him so much... and all these setbacks that i've been experiencing InshAllah will only take me closer to Him.. and after some times, I feel I am Ikhlash for whatever I've been through and I've been experiencing... I even feel so grateful for His tets... Alhamdulillah...
Here is one of my fav Islamic songs from Opick, Semesta Bertasbih =) one of the songs that giving me goose bumps!
Semesta bertasbih padaMu
Sucikan dirimu lafadzkan asmaMu
Gunung-gunung bintang makhlukMu
Mentari rembulan tunduk taat padaMu
Alloh Alloh ya robbi
Alam raya di dalam nafasnya
Berdzikir agungkan tidak pernah berhenti
Burung yang terbang di angkasa
Di laut pun semua mensucikan asmaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran alam padaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran hati setiap makhlukMu
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
(diulang 2x)
(Subhanalloh)
Subhana malikil kudus
Subuhun kudusun robbuna
Wa robbul malaikatu warruf
Tiada satupun pengingkaran alam padaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran hati setiap makhlukMu
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
(Subhanalloh)
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
Here is one of my fav Islamic songs from Opick, Semesta Bertasbih =) one of the songs that giving me goose bumps!
Semesta bertasbih padaMu
Sucikan dirimu lafadzkan asmaMu
Gunung-gunung bintang makhlukMu
Mentari rembulan tunduk taat padaMu
Alloh Alloh ya robbi
Alam raya di dalam nafasnya
Berdzikir agungkan tidak pernah berhenti
Burung yang terbang di angkasa
Di laut pun semua mensucikan asmaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran alam padaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran hati setiap makhlukMu
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
(diulang 2x)
(Subhanalloh)
Subhana malikil kudus
Subuhun kudusun robbuna
Wa robbul malaikatu warruf
Tiada satupun pengingkaran alam padaMu
Tiada satupun pengingkaran hati setiap makhlukMu
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
(Subhanalloh)
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh Aloh
Ya robbi ya robbi Alloh
Monday, 17 September 2007
lesson of the day
I just really want to say: Free your self, do not let other control ur life and... the most important thing is u have to believe in your self! SERIOUSLY.....
Saturday, 15 September 2007
silver lining...
I had a very very very bad day yesterday... very bad... how bad ? well in the scale of 0-10 it was 8! seriously for the first time in my life I let myself cried in front of other people...I just can't hold it anymore, I did try very hard, but I was so upset! Yet, like what people say, "semua pasti ada hikmahnya" and it's very right indeed! At that time I realised that I have great friends at the office.... they are wicked! I feel I belong to them... they made me thousands times better! and It touched me a lot!
they defended my silver lining... and somehow it actualy made me even more sad =( I'm devastated... this is the time when I have to be smart and wise to make a decision... and it's indeed very very very difficult. I never thought it'll be this difficult!
*sigh* I just want to take this time to say THANK YOU for all my friends who hold me up yesterday, I realise that; they keep me going this far... I'm so grateful and thankful that I have them! U rock congssssss!!!! =)
What's lingering in my head now is this lyrics from Kenny Rogers : "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. "
.... and I guess is about the time to walk away and definitely with my dignity and my chin up! *sigh*
they defended my silver lining... and somehow it actualy made me even more sad =( I'm devastated... this is the time when I have to be smart and wise to make a decision... and it's indeed very very very difficult. I never thought it'll be this difficult!
*sigh* I just want to take this time to say THANK YOU for all my friends who hold me up yesterday, I realise that; they keep me going this far... I'm so grateful and thankful that I have them! U rock congssssss!!!! =)
What's lingering in my head now is this lyrics from Kenny Rogers : "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. "
.... and I guess is about the time to walk away and definitely with my dignity and my chin up! *sigh*
Sunday, 9 September 2007
love on hold
"why u haven't married yet ?" he asked me one day, and I returned the same question to him "woman expects the world from a man," he answered. "We are not... well at least I'm not," I countered his reason, "So what do you expect from a man young lady?" "I just demand a simple thing telling you the truth, 'cos my life has been extraordinary in a way and all I need is simplicity." "simple for you doesn't mean simple for a man." "maybe, that's why I haven't marry yet..." "that's why we stay single."
we both smiled.
we are two busy people. I spend all my times working as a writer, and he runs his company and travels frequently, we don't have much time think about a life beyond our job. pethatic ? maybe yet we enjoy what we are doing. And hence we share the same slice of cake.
I said to him in the other day, "you know the older and higher you are, it will only makes the marriage evenmore..." "it goes for you young lady, not for a man, I don't find it that way." "that's not fair, why man always intimidated by a successful woman and not the other way around?" he laughed and said "look at you, you are bossy, I can imagine you'll bossing me around if I marry you."
I insulted.
"I failed three times on my engagement," he confessed. "three bloody times ? and you're not even learn ? I'm sorry." "don't be..." "you made a move and tried, at least." I said sincerely. "When you've found your love, you have to know the way to keep him, " he advised me. " I nodded, "IF..."
we put love agenda on hold with different reasons I guess. He's trying to be fair, since he knows he can't play it right at this moment due to his business matters which in his mind worth for his life. I my self struggle to put it back in my priority after some set backs. But somehow I think he is right, we have to play it right, and don't do thing if we don't even know how to do it right.
Love on hold.
"I do wanna give a chance for this," he said and I smiled, "In our age I think we should give a more space to love."
we both smiled.
we are two busy people. I spend all my times working as a writer, and he runs his company and travels frequently, we don't have much time think about a life beyond our job. pethatic ? maybe yet we enjoy what we are doing. And hence we share the same slice of cake.
I said to him in the other day, "you know the older and higher you are, it will only makes the marriage evenmore..." "it goes for you young lady, not for a man, I don't find it that way." "that's not fair, why man always intimidated by a successful woman and not the other way around?" he laughed and said "look at you, you are bossy, I can imagine you'll bossing me around if I marry you."
I insulted.
"I failed three times on my engagement," he confessed. "three bloody times ? and you're not even learn ? I'm sorry." "don't be..." "you made a move and tried, at least." I said sincerely. "When you've found your love, you have to know the way to keep him, " he advised me. " I nodded, "IF..."
we put love agenda on hold with different reasons I guess. He's trying to be fair, since he knows he can't play it right at this moment due to his business matters which in his mind worth for his life. I my self struggle to put it back in my priority after some set backs. But somehow I think he is right, we have to play it right, and don't do thing if we don't even know how to do it right.
Love on hold.
"I do wanna give a chance for this," he said and I smiled, "In our age I think we should give a more space to love."
It Might be You
Time... I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me...
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face?
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...
I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before...
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you
And I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life...
It's you..
It's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
Maybe it's you...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
Maybe it's you...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
All of my life...
Lying on the sand, watching seabirds fly
Wishing there would be
Someone waiting home for me...
Something's telling me it might be you
It's telling me it might be you...
All of my life...
Looking back as lovers go walking past...
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place
Would I recognize the face?
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it might be you
So many quiet walks to take
So many dreams to wake
And we've so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life...
I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before...
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you
And I'm feeling it'll just be you
All of my life...
It's you..
It's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
Maybe it's you...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
Maybe it's you...
Maybe it's you...
I've been waiting for all of my life...
Saturday, 8 September 2007
when your heart tells he is the one [?]
Is it when your heart ponders every time you think about him or you see his picture ? Or after some years you’ve been together and finally make some adjustment ? Can we tell that someone is our “the one” instantly ?
Do you believe if man and woman who have similar face character they might be a true couple ?
I am going to my friend wedding in a second and I just looked at a picture and I smiled and so did my heart… A glance picture about “us” makes me wondering what the feeling is this ? cos telling you the truth I don’t believe in love anymore, yet I do believe that we as a human being need to share and companion. I know I don’t wanna be alone by the end of the day. In my 50, I want to share a cup of hot choc while enjoying the sunset and reminiscing the old days… and even walk through the autumn leaves with the man who make me become a beautiful soul.
*sigh*Yet today, I think I haven’t found what I’m looking for, though I want to believe that I have. I’m just so afraid to slip again.
Do you believe if man and woman who have similar face character they might be a true couple ?
I am going to my friend wedding in a second and I just looked at a picture and I smiled and so did my heart… A glance picture about “us” makes me wondering what the feeling is this ? cos telling you the truth I don’t believe in love anymore, yet I do believe that we as a human being need to share and companion. I know I don’t wanna be alone by the end of the day. In my 50, I want to share a cup of hot choc while enjoying the sunset and reminiscing the old days… and even walk through the autumn leaves with the man who make me become a beautiful soul.
*sigh*Yet today, I think I haven’t found what I’m looking for, though I want to believe that I have. I’m just so afraid to slip again.
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
a matter of trust
how easy are you to trust people ?
me ? hmmm so damn difficult. I am very hard person but once I decided to trust people, I'll trust him/her whole-heartedly, and once I've got betrayed... bye bye! Well for me it's very reasonable 'cos I am a loyal person since i do realise that it is hard for me to trust and find someone who really can feed my soul, that's why I don't have much best friends and I tend to stuck with the same person for a very long time. And therefore I take care of them...
I experienced betrayal for couple of times in my life, by some people surround me, even by people who I used to considered as best friend or lover. Hurt ? indeed.
The thing about betrayal is, I had never prepared for that, I hail people whom I love. And when the reality bites, it's oh so damn painful. Most of the times, I choose not to get involve with those people who betrayed me, I just can't live with the fake hypocrite people. I hence cut off the relation I had, and I did couple times. Hard at the beginning but I feel okay in the end, even more when I remember the hurt, the pain, the dissapoinment and all the shits... I think I'm not easy to forgive people and forget what they had done into my life. As far as I remember I have never forgiven people who betrayed me.
How about second chance ? I don't know... Do people really change and learn from their past ? I'm not sure.. some people just take things for granted and live with their habits. And indeed you'll never know what you've got till its gone. How about if there's no second chance ? How long will you wait for the second chance ? Will you give a chance for the second chance ? Is there any guarantee that the second chance will give you a better result? And why am I trying so hard to believe the thing that I know I can't do it ???? I am trying to trust my self that I am able to put my trust back to a person who had betrayed me in a big way! One lesson, do not expect people to trust you when you don't even know what you are doing!... and please do think the impact of your action, when you demand other people to respect you... By the end of the day, you'll get what you paid for. What goes around, comes around right ?
me ? hmmm so damn difficult. I am very hard person but once I decided to trust people, I'll trust him/her whole-heartedly, and once I've got betrayed... bye bye! Well for me it's very reasonable 'cos I am a loyal person since i do realise that it is hard for me to trust and find someone who really can feed my soul, that's why I don't have much best friends and I tend to stuck with the same person for a very long time. And therefore I take care of them...
I experienced betrayal for couple of times in my life, by some people surround me, even by people who I used to considered as best friend or lover. Hurt ? indeed.
The thing about betrayal is, I had never prepared for that, I hail people whom I love. And when the reality bites, it's oh so damn painful. Most of the times, I choose not to get involve with those people who betrayed me, I just can't live with the fake hypocrite people. I hence cut off the relation I had, and I did couple times. Hard at the beginning but I feel okay in the end, even more when I remember the hurt, the pain, the dissapoinment and all the shits... I think I'm not easy to forgive people and forget what they had done into my life. As far as I remember I have never forgiven people who betrayed me.
How about second chance ? I don't know... Do people really change and learn from their past ? I'm not sure.. some people just take things for granted and live with their habits. And indeed you'll never know what you've got till its gone. How about if there's no second chance ? How long will you wait for the second chance ? Will you give a chance for the second chance ? Is there any guarantee that the second chance will give you a better result? And why am I trying so hard to believe the thing that I know I can't do it ???? I am trying to trust my self that I am able to put my trust back to a person who had betrayed me in a big way! One lesson, do not expect people to trust you when you don't even know what you are doing!... and please do think the impact of your action, when you demand other people to respect you... By the end of the day, you'll get what you paid for. What goes around, comes around right ?
Sunday, 2 September 2007
last sunset KU DE TA
last day in Bali, damn. tried to extend it till tomorrow but no luck... fully booked flight! have to be happy with this late late nite flight then. Planning for the last day ? going to try to have this lunch in the coffee corner at Seminyak, then look around some boutique there and.... last sunset at KU DE TA, is a must! was planning to jump to HardRock pool, don't think will b able to make it! anyway... let's just enjoy what I have left... while dreaming bout McDreamy with martini =p, n btw, the pic was in the hotel I stay with Kucrit... quite okay hotel..
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
oops!
my feeling today ? liberated ! [lol] more like an independence day. The magazine finally is being printed... on the 28th!! a week late! anyway... we made it... 5 of us! going to Bali tomorrow yipppppiiieee holiday, eventually! after been delayed for many times! and the best thing is free return ticket in business class [what a life!] hmmm it's business trip actually, but very very nice business trip. Going to write about Bali trip with X5 [aha] and stayingin this ehm in my friend words f**k me rates villa [lol] since it's very expensive $US1000/night [aha] on wed and thu. Then my ed' has allowed me to extend my stay there hooorraaahhh... soo... goin to stay till sunday! Kucrit will be there, Hanita will be there and going to meet my long lost friend as well Gemma [hopefully] and not to mention.... KU DE TA oohhh oooohhh... and wishing for the BIG SURPRISE on fri!!! if things are going as what it has planned, my life will be just perfect! definitely! lets see, business class flight, c151 villa, BMW X5, best friends, KU DE TA, McDreamy, Sunset and..... Bali!!!! do envy me !!! =D
Saturday, 25 August 2007
Skype Me
my friend once told me that sometime people don't realise when they access an Internet it means that they are connecting to the world, he/she is going to publish or share any information even confidential things to the people around the world. It is somehow make this life easier and no boundary indeed but the bad news is the raise
of a new form of criminality... how many people are aware with the computer security hacker ?
me, myself I never even think that I am insecure when Iam using Internet... have u ?
The fact is hackers are getting smarter and smarter nowadays, their skill to crack the computer are impressive... seriously some friends of mine confessed that they can clean-up my credit card [tempting hehehe] or even crack national security system!and if u do online banking u should be more careful, seriously...
that's what my friend keep telling me... these hackers, they have an ability to rob a big bank- let say in the UK- merely by sitting in their room in Bangladesh, with coffee and ciggy and in the next two hours they become billionaires!
These recent days I feel insecure with my Skype account, and that is because many stranger from all over the world
say HI to me out of sudden... and it makes me think, "what the f**k, who the hell r u" yeah of course I'm ignoring
these pshyco yet it makes me think somehow, that once we access an internet we really open ourselves to the world! Back then in 1998, when at the first time I became an Internet addict, i was so excited of having a chat
through internet [can't even remember what was the name] I stayed-up all night in front of my PC, chatting with
new people from here and there... and I was addicted! I didn't feel I was insecure... well think when I was younger
I was too busy socialize hehehehehe... and now I don't feel fine getting a HI from stranger... Somehow, I always
think, how about if this person is a pervert u know... that kind of thing, maybe it is because I've seen many bad things instead of sincerity in this crazy world... plus when you are adult, why u say HI to a stranger ? u know what
I mean ?? In the other hand I realise that this internet has now became a social utility, to connect people without
border... that's the reason why I use Skype, merely to talk with my friend overseas, cheap and cheery.
Less and less people now have a time to socialize, and internet is somehow connected them to the world outside..
that's the beneficial of it, i guess.. cos that's what I feel too hehehe...yet for me, think I prefer to maintain
the relation I have had instead of making a new one with pshyco strangers.
of a new form of criminality... how many people are aware with the computer security hacker ?
me, myself I never even think that I am insecure when Iam using Internet... have u ?
The fact is hackers are getting smarter and smarter nowadays, their skill to crack the computer are impressive... seriously some friends of mine confessed that they can clean-up my credit card [tempting hehehe] or even crack national security system!and if u do online banking u should be more careful, seriously...
that's what my friend keep telling me... these hackers, they have an ability to rob a big bank- let say in the UK- merely by sitting in their room in Bangladesh, with coffee and ciggy and in the next two hours they become billionaires!
These recent days I feel insecure with my Skype account, and that is because many stranger from all over the world
say HI to me out of sudden... and it makes me think, "what the f**k, who the hell r u" yeah of course I'm ignoring
these pshyco yet it makes me think somehow, that once we access an internet we really open ourselves to the world! Back then in 1998, when at the first time I became an Internet addict, i was so excited of having a chat
through internet [can't even remember what was the name] I stayed-up all night in front of my PC, chatting with
new people from here and there... and I was addicted! I didn't feel I was insecure... well think when I was younger
I was too busy socialize hehehehehe... and now I don't feel fine getting a HI from stranger... Somehow, I always
think, how about if this person is a pervert u know... that kind of thing, maybe it is because I've seen many bad things instead of sincerity in this crazy world... plus when you are adult, why u say HI to a stranger ? u know what
I mean ?? In the other hand I realise that this internet has now became a social utility, to connect people without
border... that's the reason why I use Skype, merely to talk with my friend overseas, cheap and cheery.
Less and less people now have a time to socialize, and internet is somehow connected them to the world outside..
that's the beneficial of it, i guess.. cos that's what I feel too hehehe...yet for me, think I prefer to maintain
the relation I have had instead of making a new one with pshyco strangers.
Friday, 24 August 2007
me and my big mouth !
"Is there sumthing that u wanna say ?"
"well, yeah actually... telling you the truth, I don't like the way u emailed me last time... it was a bit harsh... u know i'm hired for this magz not that magz so, everybody is doing it voluntarily u know... so it'll be nice if u ask a favour in a nice way"
"Oh, Okay.. I am sorry I don't mean to do harm toward u, it was a quick email u know..."
"well, when i read it while I was having too many things on my plates i felt so irritated in a way... no offence okay... I just want u to know that I don't feel okay with that."
"sure.. I am sorry..."
"it's ok... I know that u r so deppresed but u know... doesn't mean u can't be nice."
then when he went I somehow got my self together and.... CRAP what the hell was that ??? am I nut ??? CRAP... now I am waiting to be kicked out, PERFECT... I was being straight forward to.... big daddy's sweet heart!!!!
My friends comment of my madness : "Ohh Nina, u're rock woman!" " U did a great thing" "U did the right thing, perfecto..." etc
yeah yeah whateva just hope that I won't get sack by next week caused by my big mouth !!!
but... I know I'm screw!!!
"well, yeah actually... telling you the truth, I don't like the way u emailed me last time... it was a bit harsh... u know i'm hired for this magz not that magz so, everybody is doing it voluntarily u know... so it'll be nice if u ask a favour in a nice way"
"Oh, Okay.. I am sorry I don't mean to do harm toward u, it was a quick email u know..."
"well, when i read it while I was having too many things on my plates i felt so irritated in a way... no offence okay... I just want u to know that I don't feel okay with that."
"sure.. I am sorry..."
"it's ok... I know that u r so deppresed but u know... doesn't mean u can't be nice."
then when he went I somehow got my self together and.... CRAP what the hell was that ??? am I nut ??? CRAP... now I am waiting to be kicked out, PERFECT... I was being straight forward to.... big daddy's sweet heart!!!!
My friends comment of my madness : "Ohh Nina, u're rock woman!" " U did a great thing" "U did the right thing, perfecto..." etc
yeah yeah whateva just hope that I won't get sack by next week caused by my big mouth !!!
but... I know I'm screw!!!
Thursday, 23 August 2007
my things on his birthday...
- Starting the day by singing happy b'day for my boo2 hahaha, he laughed so much =) i know terrible voice
- my car's engine doesn't want to start and I had to take a cab all the way to the office !
- deadline which made me dead, literally! yet I managed to finish all my articles, eventually...
- had stomachache
- the man whore is back ! nightmare
- some pictures of my articles are still missing, darn it! bloody moron! some people are just so pain in the ass you know ! free advertisement on a high-end magazine, what else could u expected ?
- 12 red roses along with very nice card delivered in my desk ! He's the one who celebrate the birthday, yet I am the one who got the roses... so sweet... thanks boo =)
- got an email from my long-lost humanitarian friend whom I met in Aceh ! nice !
- went home quite early, at 7pm =) again with the cab !
- as always BAD news from home !
- the water was suddenly stop flowing in the middle of my shower! Damnit!
- he just ate sushi hahaha... my favourite food
- ...'n I think I just ate loads of ants from my noodles! Perfect!
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
really ??? seriously ???
sometime when things are meant to be, it seems like the whole universe is supporting in some ways... so easy and feasible. This afternoon I had an appointment with this man, I wasn't sure whether I can made it or not since I had an article need to be done by this afternoon and I know I would have felt bad if I hadn't finished it before I run off. At that moment I didn't think I could made it. Tried to call the person and was asking if it's possible to rearrange the appointment',"nggak bisa mbak, soalnya udah dijadwalin hari ini. Palingan Rabu depan tapi itu juga jadwal Bapak udah penuh..." Crap... I won't be able to make it by next Wed as well since I have to go to Bali, so... " Ok, but I'll be a lil bit late, hope that's ok.." Crap !!! I tried to concentrate very hard and focus on my article... During that time, I was swearing billion times I guess and my friends at work as well as my editor looked
bit confused yet understood "pshyco bitch!" hahahaha... The appointment was on 12 noon and I had to go not late than 11.30. Luckily I managed to finish my article at 11.15, emailing to my ed...at 11.20 run to the toilet and rushly
went down to catch the taxy. Fortunately when I reached the building' front gate this taxy stopped in front of me...
Pffhhhh.... 12 sharp "mbak Nina ya ? tunggu sebentar ya.... Bapak X lagi ngrokok..." Pfhhh....
"Hey Nina...." bla bla bla.... "u know Nina, to be honest with you, I love your personality!"
I was trying so damn hard not to laugh!!! Seriously... I hoped he wasn't drunk when he said that...
my AJAIB personality impress him ??? The other thing was, he held papers of my phsycologist test!!!!
seriously..... those bloody papers must tell a big crap.... cos I remember when I did that test it was full of crap
I was thinking that I am an idiot (lol) seriously.... but hey... I may have a unique personality anyway hehehehe
I dunno man... it was just so hilarious for me.. but it made my day, apparently =)
at least now I know, there is still a fun side of me within...
I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun.... Okay I am now annoying !!!!
bit confused yet understood "pshyco bitch!" hahahaha... The appointment was on 12 noon and I had to go not late than 11.30. Luckily I managed to finish my article at 11.15, emailing to my ed...at 11.20 run to the toilet and rushly
went down to catch the taxy. Fortunately when I reached the building' front gate this taxy stopped in front of me...
Pffhhhh.... 12 sharp "mbak Nina ya ? tunggu sebentar ya.... Bapak X lagi ngrokok..." Pfhhh....
"Hey Nina...." bla bla bla.... "u know Nina, to be honest with you, I love your personality!"
I was trying so damn hard not to laugh!!! Seriously... I hoped he wasn't drunk when he said that...
my AJAIB personality impress him ??? The other thing was, he held papers of my phsycologist test!!!!
seriously..... those bloody papers must tell a big crap.... cos I remember when I did that test it was full of crap
I was thinking that I am an idiot (lol) seriously.... but hey... I may have a unique personality anyway hehehehe
I dunno man... it was just so hilarious for me.. but it made my day, apparently =)
at least now I know, there is still a fun side of me within...
I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun.... Okay I am now annoying !!!!
Sunday, 19 August 2007
my contrast life...
I went to my skin doctor this afternoon, to torture my face (that's what I usually called for the activity named; FACIAL!!) wasn't that bad... if u know what I mean...'cos somehow during the facial u suddenly become crybaby hehehe seriously whether u like it ornot. Then, I poped in to Kem Chick it's a supermarket nestled in Kemang..
they sell the finest products of food hmm the soften way to say expensive.. well, knowing the target market are expats so, what do u expect ? well, me definitely not one of them =) I don't earn dollar as well but hey...
I love good food 'n I know fine food... for once in a while I deserve to have some, aite? Anyway, after I went round to find some ingredients to make sandwich [salmon,turkey,
mozarella spread,veggies], spinach quiche, sunrise banana, hazelnut coffee [love it], I went
out with a big grin in my face...nice foooood so excited 'n happy =) when I got my car I suddenly wanted
to listen jazz tunes, dunno why... somehow I just remembered the old days and u know
some times there are some things in ur previous life that u want to maintain... and definitely I
have some that I desperately want to retain into my today life, for instance I really want to have the "feel" of
my room in Roker 73 back, was so nice...I always felt inspired.. with that particular smell, lighting.. even the bed
and the duvet.. were so comfy! Every morning I started with BBC radio then I read some news in the internet...
with hot tea and toast 'n choc nutella spread... with the window on my top, I could enjoyed the view of the sky and fell the breeze... damn! was sooo beautiful!!! then went to the kitchen where all my bestfriends gathered...
went to town to meet my boyfriend for lunch.. then bookstore.. or library... went home and started cooking for
dinner, had dinner with all my flatmates.. always the highlight for the day... soooooooo damn fine u know...
and..that what I was thinking after I shop at Kem Chick [i bought stuff tht I usually bought back then] .
When I drove home, just after I went out from the store
I saw some unfortunate children on the streetside... u know they beg for some change...
n one of this boy came after my window, knocked it with his hand's open up... "Shit, this is Jakarta..."
u know, when u dream about a good life then within a second u open ur eyes and manage to see ur surrounding,
ur dream will instanly vanish, 'cos u then kick by the reality.. that there's no such a good life in this city !!! children are spending their times on the street being beggars... n i know that some of them are being trafficked...
there are mafia' chain behind them that using them... n it's just soooo terrible... horrifying u know...
n how will u digest ur £20 food when u know all of those shits ???? I dropped my pasta [I ate it when the red light
was on], gave away my Swiss wafers to the kids plus some money... my pasta wasn't feel tasty anymore. My jazz screaming out my ears.... the weather burned my skin!
Is this what am I going to experience for the rest of my life if I live in this chaotic city ? will I become wiser or
sceptical, instead ? How long will I stand this kind of life ?
Am listening to Vernon Kay now... with the rosey smell in my room yet I don't feel okay, I'm questioning my self
"how long will I stay here..."
they sell the finest products of food hmm the soften way to say expensive.. well, knowing the target market are expats so, what do u expect ? well, me definitely not one of them =) I don't earn dollar as well but hey...
I love good food 'n I know fine food... for once in a while I deserve to have some, aite? Anyway, after I went round to find some ingredients to make sandwich [salmon,turkey,
mozarella spread,veggies], spinach quiche, sunrise banana, hazelnut coffee [love it], I went
out with a big grin in my face...nice foooood so excited 'n happy =) when I got my car I suddenly wanted
to listen jazz tunes, dunno why... somehow I just remembered the old days and u know
some times there are some things in ur previous life that u want to maintain... and definitely I
have some that I desperately want to retain into my today life, for instance I really want to have the "feel" of
my room in Roker 73 back, was so nice...I always felt inspired.. with that particular smell, lighting.. even the bed
and the duvet.. were so comfy! Every morning I started with BBC radio then I read some news in the internet...
with hot tea and toast 'n choc nutella spread... with the window on my top, I could enjoyed the view of the sky and fell the breeze... damn! was sooo beautiful!!! then went to the kitchen where all my bestfriends gathered...
went to town to meet my boyfriend for lunch.. then bookstore.. or library... went home and started cooking for
dinner, had dinner with all my flatmates.. always the highlight for the day... soooooooo damn fine u know...
and..that what I was thinking after I shop at Kem Chick [i bought stuff tht I usually bought back then] .
When I drove home, just after I went out from the store
I saw some unfortunate children on the streetside... u know they beg for some change...
n one of this boy came after my window, knocked it with his hand's open up... "Shit, this is Jakarta..."
u know, when u dream about a good life then within a second u open ur eyes and manage to see ur surrounding,
ur dream will instanly vanish, 'cos u then kick by the reality.. that there's no such a good life in this city !!! children are spending their times on the street being beggars... n i know that some of them are being trafficked...
there are mafia' chain behind them that using them... n it's just soooo terrible... horrifying u know...
n how will u digest ur £20 food when u know all of those shits ???? I dropped my pasta [I ate it when the red light
was on], gave away my Swiss wafers to the kids plus some money... my pasta wasn't feel tasty anymore. My jazz screaming out my ears.... the weather burned my skin!
Is this what am I going to experience for the rest of my life if I live in this chaotic city ? will I become wiser or
sceptical, instead ? How long will I stand this kind of life ?
Am listening to Vernon Kay now... with the rosey smell in my room yet I don't feel okay, I'm questioning my self
"how long will I stay here..."
Saturday, 18 August 2007
lovely saturday
ughhhh yeahhhh, peachy day at last....
spend the day with nandy 'n kucrit, watched bourne ultimatum, wicked... then hmmmmm nice n nice seafood dinner !!!!!!! ate a lot!!!!! =) ahhh me 'n ma appetize =D what can I say...
managed to go to toshiba service center and they said Mr Crimson' LCD is totally broken n need to be changed and u know how much will it cost ? minimum of 7 million!!! yeah right!!! just forget it... i could even get the new one for that price! seriously! silly... to conclude, the day was so friendly including the traffic... AHA Jakarta's traffic was so delight! but not for Mr Crimson.. bad bad news for him!
spend the day with nandy 'n kucrit, watched bourne ultimatum, wicked... then hmmmmm nice n nice seafood dinner !!!!!!! ate a lot!!!!! =) ahhh me 'n ma appetize =D what can I say...
managed to go to toshiba service center and they said Mr Crimson' LCD is totally broken n need to be changed and u know how much will it cost ? minimum of 7 million!!! yeah right!!! just forget it... i could even get the new one for that price! seriously! silly... to conclude, the day was so friendly including the traffic... AHA Jakarta's traffic was so delight! but not for Mr Crimson.. bad bad news for him!
Friday, 17 August 2007
ruang rindu
di daun yang ikut mengalir lembut
terbawa sampai ke ujung mata
dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
terasa hangat oh didalam hati
kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
tak pnah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
ku saat itu mencari makna
tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
*kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
smua kutrima apa adanya
mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
di ruang rindu kita bertemu
HUHUHUHUHU..... KANGEN KANGEN KANGEN.........!!!!!!!!!!
=(
terbawa sampai ke ujung mata
dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
terasa hangat oh didalam hati
kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
tak pnah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
ku saat itu mencari makna
tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
*kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
smua kutrima apa adanya
mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
di ruang rindu kita bertemu
HUHUHUHUHU..... KANGEN KANGEN KANGEN.........!!!!!!!!!!
=(
a fine morning ...PLEASE
I kind of person who believe in the power of a delicate morning. The mood you r in when you awake will easily define the feel of the remaining day. Lately, I wake up in very unpleasant way...
I don't know what's wrong with some people, they text 'bout bad news early in the morning! seriously, can't u wait for couple more hours ??? seriously!
And, therefore I've been so strain lately... grumpy and cranky!! my friends at work they know me very well especially with
my new habit, swearing all the time...=( i'm not happy with this... seriously...
bad news for this day which i received at 5 am was... my mom's best friend is passed away.
Innalilalahi wainailaihi rojiun.... she was admirable woman, she always considered me as her
own daughter... When she travelled, she always remembered to buy me souvenir, some times
when I'm home she sent some cookies or my favourite 'pandan' cake... so lovely.
This friend of mine, Evi or usually called Cepik, we used to be very very close when we were
in high school, even we went to Oz for holiday together... somehow due with our chaotic life we don't get in touch that intense... evenmore she is a mother of lil cute Keisya now...
she is enjoying her motherhood life and me with my head over hell single woman's life...
quite different struggle... yet... she remains the best friend of mine.. though i can't say
i'm a good friend of her anymore... (maybe for other people as well...) ...
so funny how ourselves change in a way huh... the mingle socialize girl has turned to be a cynical solitude woman.
anyway... so sad knowing the fact that i can't go to the funeral since it'll be held in Yogya.
My deepest condolence for Cepik and her family and sincere prays for her mom. Somehow I just believe that He'll take care of her better... Amien.
time flies... Cepik' mom has just passed away, in unexpected time...
bad news never had a good timing huh ?
I don't know what's wrong with some people, they text 'bout bad news early in the morning! seriously, can't u wait for couple more hours ??? seriously!
And, therefore I've been so strain lately... grumpy and cranky!! my friends at work they know me very well especially with
my new habit, swearing all the time...=( i'm not happy with this... seriously...
bad news for this day which i received at 5 am was... my mom's best friend is passed away.
Innalilalahi wainailaihi rojiun.... she was admirable woman, she always considered me as her
own daughter... When she travelled, she always remembered to buy me souvenir, some times
when I'm home she sent some cookies or my favourite 'pandan' cake... so lovely.
This friend of mine, Evi or usually called Cepik, we used to be very very close when we were
in high school, even we went to Oz for holiday together... somehow due with our chaotic life we don't get in touch that intense... evenmore she is a mother of lil cute Keisya now...
she is enjoying her motherhood life and me with my head over hell single woman's life...
quite different struggle... yet... she remains the best friend of mine.. though i can't say
i'm a good friend of her anymore... (maybe for other people as well...) ...
so funny how ourselves change in a way huh... the mingle socialize girl has turned to be a cynical solitude woman.
anyway... so sad knowing the fact that i can't go to the funeral since it'll be held in Yogya.
My deepest condolence for Cepik and her family and sincere prays for her mom. Somehow I just believe that He'll take care of her better... Amien.
time flies... Cepik' mom has just passed away, in unexpected time...
bad news never had a good timing huh ?
Thursday, 16 August 2007
PRESTIGE
=) yup yup... I am living in this world!
(this is what Mas Radit did when he fed-up with the deadline!touch me up =)I'm in huh ? hahaha)
(this is what Mas Radit did when he fed-up with the deadline!touch me up =)I'm in huh ? hahaha)
shout out
this is a shout out of the weeks in my office, in fact our status in MSN, YM n Skype are the same:
Once a manwhore always a manwhore !!!!!
true colours
I bet u all familiar with this words, “even a hero has the right to bleed” right? Dan saya membuktikannya benar. Sehebat apa pun seseorang, bahkan lelaki, pasti mempunyai what so called “weakness” yang seringkali hanya ditunjukkan kepada orang terdekatnya, seseorang yang membuat dia merasa nyaman menjadi “orang biasa”
Seorang teman, sukses di usianya yang masih muda, memimpin perusahaan teknologi di Timur Tengah. Seorang perfeksionis yang sayangnya good looking dan single. Singkat kata dia mempunyai semua kriteria yang dimimpikan perempuan. Bahkan saya sempat terheran-heran bahwa a perfect man does exist dan tidak hanya di dongeng-dongeng saja. Tapi tentu saja, saya terus mencari kelemahan dia karena saya tidak mau mempercayai dia sesempurna itu. Awalnya saya tidak percaya saya “berteman” dengannya, lebih tidak percaya lagi bahwa pada akhirnya dia merasa “nyaman” berbagi cerita dengan saya. Jangan salah, saya tidak jatuh cinta padanya, sempat terpikir pasti akan menyenangkan menjadi seseorang yang “dipilihnya” tapi… saya tahu itu tidak benar. Sebagai seseorang workaholic, dia bahkan tidak mempunyai waktu untuk socialize dan tentunya “mencari” pendamping
hidup. Meskipun dia mengaku pernah beberapa kali mencoba berkomitmen namun pada akhirnya dia lebih mencintai “karir” nya. Yah… seringkali saya memotret hidup-nya seperti di soap opera! Kenapa ini istimewa buat saya ? karena sebelumnya saya belum pernah mempunya “teman” se-sophisticated ini, atau tepatnya there’s no way for me to make a friend with a person from this kind of crowd. Terlalu ..hmmm mengawang-awang. Bayangkan saja, ketika saya meng-google-nya, dia ada di mana-mana. Dan itu bukan karena friendster atau pun blogging… =) dia melakukan sesuatu dalam hidupnya! Kata yang tepat sebenarnya, menakutkan! “Berteman” dengannya membuat saya memahami kehidupan seorang “superman” dan bagaimana dia “berkomunikasi” Well, kadang menyebalkan, karena dia seperti datang dan pergi seenak jidatnya, yah walaupun saya tahu itu karena kesibukannya namun tetap saja saya belum terbiasa untuk dicuekin! Sementar di lain waktu dia bercerita ini itu sepanjang hari di saat saya dikejar-kejar deadline. Semakin hari saya semakin mengenalnya dan itu terkadang semakin menakutkan… entah kenapa. Dia mengajari saya banyak hal… itulah mengapa saya tetap berteman dengannya. Dan ya… in the end saya menyadari bahwa dia juga “manusia” bukan seorang superman lagi di mata saya, meski masih di mata banyak orang. Dia sakit, sakit hati, konyol, tolol dan kekanak-kanakan. Sifat-sifat yang tidak mungkin ditunjukkannya di depan staf, client dan colleague-nya. U know, I do now believe that true colours are hard to reveal… only few people are lucky to be able to testify it during our life. Saya sendiri menjadi pribadi yang amat sangat berbeda di depan kekasih saya dan terkadang itu membuatnya complains a lot… =) We choose our destiny somehow… like the way we choose our “people” . We build our own army… because we believe these people will stand for us… they will not running away no matter how lousy we are… in fact they will defend our pride when we ourselves have nothing’s left. And I think, I am just this lucky bitch who have a chance to be somebody’s “people”
Seorang teman, sukses di usianya yang masih muda, memimpin perusahaan teknologi di Timur Tengah. Seorang perfeksionis yang sayangnya good looking dan single. Singkat kata dia mempunyai semua kriteria yang dimimpikan perempuan. Bahkan saya sempat terheran-heran bahwa a perfect man does exist dan tidak hanya di dongeng-dongeng saja. Tapi tentu saja, saya terus mencari kelemahan dia karena saya tidak mau mempercayai dia sesempurna itu. Awalnya saya tidak percaya saya “berteman” dengannya, lebih tidak percaya lagi bahwa pada akhirnya dia merasa “nyaman” berbagi cerita dengan saya. Jangan salah, saya tidak jatuh cinta padanya, sempat terpikir pasti akan menyenangkan menjadi seseorang yang “dipilihnya” tapi… saya tahu itu tidak benar. Sebagai seseorang workaholic, dia bahkan tidak mempunyai waktu untuk socialize dan tentunya “mencari” pendamping
hidup. Meskipun dia mengaku pernah beberapa kali mencoba berkomitmen namun pada akhirnya dia lebih mencintai “karir” nya. Yah… seringkali saya memotret hidup-nya seperti di soap opera! Kenapa ini istimewa buat saya ? karena sebelumnya saya belum pernah mempunya “teman” se-sophisticated ini, atau tepatnya there’s no way for me to make a friend with a person from this kind of crowd. Terlalu ..hmmm mengawang-awang. Bayangkan saja, ketika saya meng-google-nya, dia ada di mana-mana. Dan itu bukan karena friendster atau pun blogging… =) dia melakukan sesuatu dalam hidupnya! Kata yang tepat sebenarnya, menakutkan! “Berteman” dengannya membuat saya memahami kehidupan seorang “superman” dan bagaimana dia “berkomunikasi” Well, kadang menyebalkan, karena dia seperti datang dan pergi seenak jidatnya, yah walaupun saya tahu itu karena kesibukannya namun tetap saja saya belum terbiasa untuk dicuekin! Sementar di lain waktu dia bercerita ini itu sepanjang hari di saat saya dikejar-kejar deadline. Semakin hari saya semakin mengenalnya dan itu terkadang semakin menakutkan… entah kenapa. Dia mengajari saya banyak hal… itulah mengapa saya tetap berteman dengannya. Dan ya… in the end saya menyadari bahwa dia juga “manusia” bukan seorang superman lagi di mata saya, meski masih di mata banyak orang. Dia sakit, sakit hati, konyol, tolol dan kekanak-kanakan. Sifat-sifat yang tidak mungkin ditunjukkannya di depan staf, client dan colleague-nya. U know, I do now believe that true colours are hard to reveal… only few people are lucky to be able to testify it during our life. Saya sendiri menjadi pribadi yang amat sangat berbeda di depan kekasih saya dan terkadang itu membuatnya complains a lot… =) We choose our destiny somehow… like the way we choose our “people” . We build our own army… because we believe these people will stand for us… they will not running away no matter how lousy we are… in fact they will defend our pride when we ourselves have nothing’s left. And I think, I am just this lucky bitch who have a chance to be somebody’s “people”
Sunday, 12 August 2007
bloody bugs !!
I finally went to the hospital to check my small itchy bumps in my hands. it's getting worse and worse, bengkak, panas 'n gatel banget! extremely irritating! n i have no idea what caused this disease. The doctor said either I'm alergic on something or being attacked by bugs!!! and i go with the second diagnoze, since i can't remember that i'm allergic on food apart from crab which i haven't eaten crab for the last ten years i guess.
well, now at least I got some medicines, pills and cream.
Bought some DVDs yesterday, some Korean n Japanese movies.. so so funny u know... silly movies with some gorgeous Asian guys =)giving me an addiction, soon i guess... =D
Been looking forward to have a proper holiday, and when i actually have that chance which is next week, (long weekend 17-19) I don't know whether I could go or not because my silly pasport is expires on Oct. Usually three-four months before the due date we can't travel outside... most of the times actually. Try to renew it(have to be sent to Yogya).. and hopefully it'll be done by thursday. finger cross! ohhh.. really need a holiday ! for once i really one to get the thing that I want and I need at the same time..
well, now at least I got some medicines, pills and cream.
Bought some DVDs yesterday, some Korean n Japanese movies.. so so funny u know... silly movies with some gorgeous Asian guys =)giving me an addiction, soon i guess... =D
Been looking forward to have a proper holiday, and when i actually have that chance which is next week, (long weekend 17-19) I don't know whether I could go or not because my silly pasport is expires on Oct. Usually three-four months before the due date we can't travel outside... most of the times actually. Try to renew it(have to be sent to Yogya).. and hopefully it'll be done by thursday. finger cross! ohhh.. really need a holiday ! for once i really one to get the thing that I want and I need at the same time..
Friday, 10 August 2007
09.08.07
It was a pretty strange day, yesterday. Went to Grand Hyatt early in the morning to interview this art photographer from Oz... was enjoyable. Then.... another bunch of red roses delivered in my desk =) was lifting me up... *thanks dear...* then irritated by this johny boy with his harsh email! nerve-racking indeed! really want to kick him out! seriously! but.. hey.. by the end of the day I smiled, anyway. Well why bother ? I won't let a single email from a person who doesn't even know what he's doing , ruining my whole day! Compare with roses from the one I care and plus an amusing conversation with mr homer ? c'mon... well to conclude my thursday.. fell like I was travelling all over the world. Interviewed Australian photographer, tasted Canadian food brought by DestinAsian Canadian editor, roses from my Swedish boy friend,teased by my British editor, irritated by American idiot and shared stupid jokes with my Belgium friend... not to mention a strange email from this Turkish man ! What an adventorous day, indeed ! *sigh*
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
10 years
where would I be for the next 10 years ? Somehow this question popped-up in my mind... whether I would be stuck here in Jakarta or somewhere else... whether I remain a writer or someone else...whether I would have children and being someone's wife or stay alone and synical... whether I grown up or stuck in my past ? questions after questions after questions. The thing about plan is we never plan an unexpected thing... U know that most of the times we can't have it all ? and learning to accept that we get what we need instead of what we want is pretty difficult. Pretty good things are rare and hard to find. What I'm doing today, apparently will shape to be another me in the future... in the next ten years.Yet, still I do many silly things in my life... waste many hours doing
something useless and meaningless. Thinking about the past, linger with the anger... I really want to believe that I'm moving on... cos I seriously do not interested on going back. It is true that I have some highlights during the past. but it was past... 'n that's why I am what I am today. I am way from perfect today, of course,
yet I've been through lot of things and I thankful for that. Ten years ago, I was in high school...in Yogya..
I remember I was happy during those times. What I know for sure at that moment I didn't have a mind that I'll be in Jakarta, being a writer and have Albanian boyfriend. I didn't even plan these or even think about these.
I was so playful... I could just go out in a strange place along with the strange crowd and I could easily blend with 'em without difficulty and being a spotlight.Now ? I am a total solitude... and I'm okay with it. So, when I'm thinking about the next ten years... I think I'll be content for discovering another part of my self which might I never even thought about it. What would you be in the next 10 years ?
something useless and meaningless. Thinking about the past, linger with the anger... I really want to believe that I'm moving on... cos I seriously do not interested on going back. It is true that I have some highlights during the past. but it was past... 'n that's why I am what I am today. I am way from perfect today, of course,
yet I've been through lot of things and I thankful for that. Ten years ago, I was in high school...in Yogya..
I remember I was happy during those times. What I know for sure at that moment I didn't have a mind that I'll be in Jakarta, being a writer and have Albanian boyfriend. I didn't even plan these or even think about these.
I was so playful... I could just go out in a strange place along with the strange crowd and I could easily blend with 'em without difficulty and being a spotlight.Now ? I am a total solitude... and I'm okay with it. So, when I'm thinking about the next ten years... I think I'll be content for discovering another part of my self which might I never even thought about it. What would you be in the next 10 years ?
My Poor Mr Crimson...
think I really need to fix my laptop! it's getting into my nerve now...
hmm, dunno where to go and how much will it costs this time! I realise somehow been torturing
my reddish laptop with all my radio assignments and projects, back then. *sorry dear* To show my appreciation to this sleek Toshiba 17" P20 going to write-up something bout him hehehe.
I bought him hmm.. three years ago I guess in the late 2004, the reason was I need a laptop with
sophisticated features and specs as it is in desktop for editing and making radio documenter/feature.
So it deals with sound and graphic. Anyway I fell in love with this big and heavy laptop with its red look, an outstanding wide screen and a great deal of power, including respectable 3D graphics handling,not to mention unreasonable price, believe me was soo expensive during those times! Still can not believe, that i did purchase it =D seriously. Once Mr Crimson crashed, it costs me three million, plus have to
take it all the way to Hong Kong,
since the spare-part cannot be found here. Stupid, what a waste. It's very high maintenance u know.
I don't know whether it is me or Mr Crimson has already fed-up w/ me, cos recently he always gives me a trouble,
like NOW. The colours in my screen don't blend very well, u know what I mean, so it dominated with blue and green.
Indeed irritating.
Thinking to purchase the lil one now... u know the way a laptop is made =)
No..no.. gonna keep Mr Crimson anyhow, too precious to be sold or given away... no way!
here are the facts why I love Mr Crimson (remember i bought him three years ago!):)
Intel® Pentium® 4 processor with HT Technology, 3.40GHz
Genuine Microsoft® Windows® XP Home Edition
Microsoft® Office OneNote[TM] 2003
Toshiba ConfigFree[TM] Connectivity Doctor
512MB DDR SDRAM
80GB Hard Disk Drive with shock absorber
Super-crisp Wide View 17" TFT display
NVIDIA GeForce FX Go 5700 with 64MB Video RAM and Microsoft DirectX® 9.0 support generates faster, smoother special effects for superior 3D gaming
Unique twin module bay design features a module bay DVD Super Multi drive and a module bay main battery that can easily be exchanged with other optional modules for further functionality
Outstanding Harman/Kardon speaker and SRS® TruSurround XT[TM] virtual surround sound effects deliver real cinema standard mobile entertainment
SD Card slot, i.Link (IEEE 1394), S-video and component video out, Fast Infrared, and 4 x USB ports
Integrated Wireless LAN 802.11b/g (up to 5x faster than 802.11b) for high-speed access to wireless networks or the Internet
Innovative red and silver styling concept with multi-colored LED palm rest keys
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
internet bliss
I've got internet connection in my room, eventually... and.. it means I could listen to my lovely Vernon Kay again! Yay! been so long I haven't listened to his show, one of my favourite radio DJ ever! hmm.. he's radio 1 DJ, log-in to BBC Radio 1 and try to listen to his show... he's lovable and his show is very much enjoyable, believe me =) It's a public holiday tomorrow regarding to Jakarta's governor's election. I don't vote anyway, I don't posses Jakarta's Id. Yeah you rite, I am an alien !However, many things to do tomorrow; have to buy THREE birthday gifts!!! two for my best friends, nandy cong and prita cong =p and one for my baby... yup, i'll be broke very soon indeed !!! why on earth all of my dearest ones were born on the same month?? then... two articles need to be done by tomorrow, yeah yeah... I know... I just can't help to ignore my works! I envy Homer Simpsons btw, he said "ignorance is bliss" 'n it's true... Talking about The Simpsons, I haven't had a time to watch the movie *sigh* hope tomorrow I could manage to watch it as well *finger cross* Do you know that this show is becomingthe longest-running sitcom ever ? Yeah, the first aired was on 1989! Funny huh, on how Bart reminds me of
Unyil... u know they both remain kid ! haha... this kind of world only exist on the "movie-world" never grow old! no worry about grey hair, wrinkle... and so forth... hmmm....
Unyil... u know they both remain kid ! haha... this kind of world only exist on the "movie-world" never grow old! no worry about grey hair, wrinkle... and so forth... hmmm....
Monday, 6 August 2007
a quick round-up
just want to quick up-date what had happened for the last week. spent my weekend at home as it is known... was whirlwinding due to some family matters... somehow what i learn in this life is, He always manage His way to teach us something... and most of the times shit things happen to good people... yeah... anyway, tuesday ? hmm well i went to the hospital to visit Hito, after i heard that he need blood transfusion. Somehow i just really wanted to visit him. My instinct told that. Went there with Kucrit and Kimpoy and talked with Hito's father. Sad. He had given up for some reasons in which we couldn't accept. Mixture feeling I had that night. Wednesday 4am, hit by the news that Hito has passed away. Can't explain the feeling I had within. Went to his funeral with some friends. Grieving. I'm 26 and I went to my friend's funeral. The reality checked when I hint Hito's friendster page the next following day, lots of people show their condolence on the testimonial space. I cried. There are some things in this world that can not be explained and will remain a riddle. And again, He really knows how to surprise His' slave. Got a sweet surprise on Friday. 12 red roses delivered at my desk from my dear baby (thanks babe... for giving me a sweet closure on the cloudy week). Yet, 12 roses still couldn't save my crappy weekend when I had to flew to Bali to interview this miss universe. Crap. She soesn't speak English, the traslator only speaks Japanese and very basic Bahasa, crap. My weekend was a total crap not to mention got bitten by some insects and leave some small bumps on my right hand. Itches! for the fisrt time in my life, I hate Bali!
releasing the star
seseorang pernah mengajarkan kepada saya : "you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run"
pada suatu titik di hidup kita, kita memang harus membuat suatu keputusan dan kepastian. Untuk diri kita sendiri setidaknya... mengeliminir hal-hal yang tidak pasti dalam hidup kita, memilah-milah mana yang ilusi dan mana yang realiti. Dan yang pasti tahu saatnya untuk berkemas dan "pergi". bagi saya, entah bagaimana, ada sesuatu dalam hidup ini yang hanya indah ketika ia tetap menjadi impian kita, sesuatu yang unreachable. Seperti layaknya bintang, yang hanya indah dipandang dari kejauhan... berkelip manis dan tidak menyilaukan.
Dan ini saatnya saya untuk berkemas... dan pergi. Mengemasi sesuatu yang beberapa waktu ini berlari-lari lincah di pikiran dan hati saya. by the end of the day, saya tahu ini hanya ilusi.. yah meski saya tahu saya mampu mengusahakannya menjadi kenyataan. tapi, lagi-lagi saya pikir i just love the idea of this beauty... seperti juga katanya, dalam hidup ini kita harus berperan seperti penjudi yang hebat, thus we will survive. and here I am... melepaskan sebuah bintang dari genggaman saya... sebelum saya berdarah tertusuk ujung-ujung segi-nya. I'm watching you... down here. don't fall... be a great gambler as you told me...
pada suatu titik di hidup kita, kita memang harus membuat suatu keputusan dan kepastian. Untuk diri kita sendiri setidaknya... mengeliminir hal-hal yang tidak pasti dalam hidup kita, memilah-milah mana yang ilusi dan mana yang realiti. Dan yang pasti tahu saatnya untuk berkemas dan "pergi". bagi saya, entah bagaimana, ada sesuatu dalam hidup ini yang hanya indah ketika ia tetap menjadi impian kita, sesuatu yang unreachable. Seperti layaknya bintang, yang hanya indah dipandang dari kejauhan... berkelip manis dan tidak menyilaukan.
Dan ini saatnya saya untuk berkemas... dan pergi. Mengemasi sesuatu yang beberapa waktu ini berlari-lari lincah di pikiran dan hati saya. by the end of the day, saya tahu ini hanya ilusi.. yah meski saya tahu saya mampu mengusahakannya menjadi kenyataan. tapi, lagi-lagi saya pikir i just love the idea of this beauty... seperti juga katanya, dalam hidup ini kita harus berperan seperti penjudi yang hebat, thus we will survive. and here I am... melepaskan sebuah bintang dari genggaman saya... sebelum saya berdarah tertusuk ujung-ujung segi-nya. I'm watching you... down here. don't fall... be a great gambler as you told me...
Monday, 30 July 2007
ping pong song !
Gosh! I'm obsessed with this ping pong song! just can't get away from my mind ! ...do you know what it feels like loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away... once I watched Enrique' concert on [V] and I think he is a good entertainer... and ehm.. sizzling!...do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed... Try to listen the Spanish version, it's hotter !! Dímelo por que estas fuera de mi? Y al mismo tiempo estas muy dentro... Dímelo sin hablar y hazme sentir todo lo que yo ya siento...
Saturday, 28 July 2007
cogito ergo sum
I somehow remember what Descrates said once, cogito ergo sum or the original statement was je pense donc je suis hmm... which is means "I think therefore I am." and how about if you think too much ? I would say like me... you just spend hours and hours to think and somehow you delay the act or even you forget to act. I just read in my mom magz that if you think too much you'll have a chance to get the "curse of the talented" which is: depression. Sounds so familiar to me. The abstract and complicated way of thinking some times lead to a self harm instead of simplification if we can't apply it well. I am wondering is there any ways to stop the curse ? or... even to quit thinking for a while. It is good to think a lot, obviously, but it's harmful if we think too much. I delay many things in my life... I consider a lot of things before I act, good if I'm not late... but then it'll be a waste if I'm late or if things have gone, what the avail of thinking, analyzing and considering rite ? My Belgium friend told me that I should've made a move at that time... yeah... I should... and I'm late and thing remains in my fantasy without me knowing whether there'll be a second chance or not and I keep wondering how about if... not healthy of course. I might exist since I'm thinking and I wait till I feel I have to make a move... but again things don't wait some times thus there won't be a need of my existence.
Friday, 27 July 2007
home
Hit Yogya this afternoon, so damn hot! Many things were crossing my mind when I opened my home' front door... "will it remain 'my home' or... merely a family' symbol?" I managed my self to step inside my parent's home, a 28 year-old building, greener and more natural. My mom managed to plant some trees and orchids and all are blooming at this present time, nice and calming. She welcomed me with her warmest smile and couldn't help her surprised look, I didn't tell her that I was planning to go home... Did it intentionally as a sweet surprise for her =) My mom looked tired, her eyes tell that she's been through a lot of things.
Talked with her for hours, was listening to her bittersweet experiences since my absence and pour her heart out bout the things that brought me home at this moment. "I know mom... I know more than you think... I know mom". For all these times I always thought that I'm lil daddy' girl, I have the values and quality that possessed by my dad, yet I was wrong. Recently I realised that I am my mom... and today I know for sure that I am my mom. They way she's dealing with the agony... the conceive way of thinking in which sometimes people thought that we complicated things instead of simplify it.
When the noon got older, the weather started to becomes so friendly. I then asked my mom to celebrate the pleasant weather by going out with becak! haven't done it for about four years! She agreed. I took her to a renowned Beringharjo, a traditional market near Malioboro street. Bought some traditional canapees. Was so lovely. For the first time in my life, when I was in becak I actually thought that I might be able to live in this city... might... Thanks for the becak and the friendly weather that created a lil bliss for me and especially my mom.
Talked with her for hours, was listening to her bittersweet experiences since my absence and pour her heart out bout the things that brought me home at this moment. "I know mom... I know more than you think... I know mom". For all these times I always thought that I'm lil daddy' girl, I have the values and quality that possessed by my dad, yet I was wrong. Recently I realised that I am my mom... and today I know for sure that I am my mom. They way she's dealing with the agony... the conceive way of thinking in which sometimes people thought that we complicated things instead of simplify it.
When the noon got older, the weather started to becomes so friendly. I then asked my mom to celebrate the pleasant weather by going out with becak! haven't done it for about four years! She agreed. I took her to a renowned Beringharjo, a traditional market near Malioboro street. Bought some traditional canapees. Was so lovely. For the first time in my life, when I was in becak I actually thought that I might be able to live in this city... might... Thanks for the becak and the friendly weather that created a lil bliss for me and especially my mom.
no marriage
Since, I can't trust any man no more, therefore I don't believe in marriage as well.
Maybe time will heal the pain... maybe not...
I don't care...
Maybe time will heal the pain... maybe not...
I don't care...
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Taman Bermain
Sudah tiga hari ini saya bermain-main di tempat kerja... what a surprise ! after all the head over heels, bisa juga bernafas dan merasakan 'bermain' di kantor yang seperti taman kanak-kanak ini =) Majalah edisi Agustus siap cetak, Managing Editor business trip ke Korea... Harry Potter menanti, these are what so called fine days ! Hmm... DA/MAN is awaiting actually but.. bugger off can't be bother to write up the article at this moment. I do deserve a break, don't I ?
Among all the sparks yang ada di kantor ini, ada satu hal well more than one actually reasons to stay and to be thankful for... teman-teman kerja yang amat sangat menyenangkan dan editor yang mempunyai reputasi tingkat dunia... oya plus pemandangan menyegarkan McDreamy and McSteamy...yummy !!! Well, regardless all the works loads 'n "devil wears Hermes" bos ya... well nothing is perfect in this world rite ?
I once said to myself actually that I reckon this place as a learning place like school. I've been learning a lot since the first date I joined this company about six months ago, and definitely so glad for having this such opportunity =) Telling the truth my English writing' skill is better than I was in the UK, seriously, during those times I did a lot of practical thing than theoritical. I made radio programmes rather than doing exams... So... it kind a balance to me. After all, life is about making an equity, rite ?
Jadi mari kita bermain-main di taman yang penuh keriangan ini =D merasakan semua kerlap-kerlip dan gegap gempita-nya. One day, I know I'm gonna miss these days... so let's live it up !!
Among all the sparks yang ada di kantor ini, ada satu hal well more than one actually reasons to stay and to be thankful for... teman-teman kerja yang amat sangat menyenangkan dan editor yang mempunyai reputasi tingkat dunia... oya plus pemandangan menyegarkan McDreamy and McSteamy...yummy !!! Well, regardless all the works loads 'n "devil wears Hermes" bos ya... well nothing is perfect in this world rite ?
I once said to myself actually that I reckon this place as a learning place like school. I've been learning a lot since the first date I joined this company about six months ago, and definitely so glad for having this such opportunity =) Telling the truth my English writing' skill is better than I was in the UK, seriously, during those times I did a lot of practical thing than theoritical. I made radio programmes rather than doing exams... So... it kind a balance to me. After all, life is about making an equity, rite ?
Jadi mari kita bermain-main di taman yang penuh keriangan ini =D merasakan semua kerlap-kerlip dan gegap gempita-nya. One day, I know I'm gonna miss these days... so let's live it up !!
Monday, 23 July 2007
bitter sweet weekend
Spent the weekend to visit Hito. Went there on Sat morning with Kucrit and Nandy, was too late to be able to get into the ICU, instead we met Hito's mom. She started to share 'bout the day when Hito got accident and days before. It reveals some episodes of Hito's life that we never knew before. Fell so bad to listen to his mom, since can't do anything to make things lightener in some ways.
Afterwards, we went for very late lunch at our favourite spot, Wing's Dome- Citos. Me 'n Nandy were thinking to go back to the hospital later on together with Buncil and other Pletok's member. While we were having our brunch, we talked 'bout our crisis... "why..why and why" . To sum up, I think we are too comfortable in our zone. And I'm sure in time when one of us decided to take the next step of this life and move on (read: get married), it will break us down...
Reach the hospital around 7 pm and met some friends. Everybody went to Hito's apart from me. Decided to wait outside the ICU and asked Nandy to tell Hito that I was there. It's just one of my thing that I don't see family or friend during their intensive treatment. Part of the reasons I reckon are caused by the trauma. Bad experience with hospital, too many bad things happened in the past. Although everybody were pushing me and trying to give some solutions so then I have a gut to see Hito but... no no no. I'm so sorry, I just can't.
Thanks God, he's getting better. He is starting to give respons everytime people around him and talk with him through his hands, although he hasn't concious yet, don't ask how is it possible, that's my question too. Further about his real recent condition, we don't know 'cos none of us are having an access to talk directly to the doctor.
The fact that many questions come up regarding to the accident is undeniable.. some friends are now trying to find out what really was going on on a day when Hito had an acc. There's no report at the police department, no witness, nobody even know who was taking him to the hospital, and why this hospital instead of the nearest one from its site, who said at firt place about how did the acc happen, and... even there isn't any hole along Cassablanca tunel as it is mentioned in its story. What happened on that day ?
When the night got old, we decided to play some tricks with our severe condition of dealing with the questions... went to Karaoke. Yes that's our ritual actually, to relieve the stress.. by sing along... embracing the bitter sweet of life.
Afterwards, we went for very late lunch at our favourite spot, Wing's Dome- Citos. Me 'n Nandy were thinking to go back to the hospital later on together with Buncil and other Pletok's member. While we were having our brunch, we talked 'bout our crisis... "why..why and why" . To sum up, I think we are too comfortable in our zone. And I'm sure in time when one of us decided to take the next step of this life and move on (read: get married), it will break us down...
Reach the hospital around 7 pm and met some friends. Everybody went to Hito's apart from me. Decided to wait outside the ICU and asked Nandy to tell Hito that I was there. It's just one of my thing that I don't see family or friend during their intensive treatment. Part of the reasons I reckon are caused by the trauma. Bad experience with hospital, too many bad things happened in the past. Although everybody were pushing me and trying to give some solutions so then I have a gut to see Hito but... no no no. I'm so sorry, I just can't.
Thanks God, he's getting better. He is starting to give respons everytime people around him and talk with him through his hands, although he hasn't concious yet, don't ask how is it possible, that's my question too. Further about his real recent condition, we don't know 'cos none of us are having an access to talk directly to the doctor.
The fact that many questions come up regarding to the accident is undeniable.. some friends are now trying to find out what really was going on on a day when Hito had an acc. There's no report at the police department, no witness, nobody even know who was taking him to the hospital, and why this hospital instead of the nearest one from its site, who said at firt place about how did the acc happen, and... even there isn't any hole along Cassablanca tunel as it is mentioned in its story. What happened on that day ?
When the night got old, we decided to play some tricks with our severe condition of dealing with the questions... went to Karaoke. Yes that's our ritual actually, to relieve the stress.. by sing along... embracing the bitter sweet of life.
Friday, 20 July 2007
grey sky in the sunny day
I wore a black shirt and dark grey trouser yesterday... with no certain reason. I remember I changed black shirt with collar with the one with no collar, same colour-black. Why I felt I want to wear black on sunny thursday ? I don't know. Sometime people relating black to a misery... or a bad sign or even to hide our fat.
Last nite I've got a news that a friend of mine got a motorbike accident. Bad accident. Very bad. He was riding a motorbike with his friend, and his friend was died. My friend himself, he is lying in ICU, unconcious, coma, his brain swelled. I shocked and... I cried somehow.
I didn't go to the hospital, was too late and moreover I can't see him suffer. To be more precise, I can't deal with it just yet. I decided to talk with God, instead. I prayed... and reciting Quran for the first time after I don't know for how long. I forgot how beautiful and powerful the verses are... and in some ways Hito (my friend's name) alarms me.
I don't even know whether I want him to wake up or not considering his pain. The doctor said, he'll be so damn painful if he's wake up. I ask Him to ease his pain... to give him a sweet nice dream during his coma.
I do want him around.I do. Regardless we don't spend much time together after uni, yet knowing he is around it makes us feel good.Just... delightful.
He is a good man. And I know God loves good person. What I don't know is His plan.
Last nite I've got a news that a friend of mine got a motorbike accident. Bad accident. Very bad. He was riding a motorbike with his friend, and his friend was died. My friend himself, he is lying in ICU, unconcious, coma, his brain swelled. I shocked and... I cried somehow.
I didn't go to the hospital, was too late and moreover I can't see him suffer. To be more precise, I can't deal with it just yet. I decided to talk with God, instead. I prayed... and reciting Quran for the first time after I don't know for how long. I forgot how beautiful and powerful the verses are... and in some ways Hito (my friend's name) alarms me.
I don't even know whether I want him to wake up or not considering his pain. The doctor said, he'll be so damn painful if he's wake up. I ask Him to ease his pain... to give him a sweet nice dream during his coma.
I do want him around.I do. Regardless we don't spend much time together after uni, yet knowing he is around it makes us feel good.Just... delightful.
He is a good man. And I know God loves good person. What I don't know is His plan.
Thursday, 19 July 2007
kosong
Saya merindukan suatu kebahagiaan yang sederhana... seperti bisa menikmati enaknya teh hangat dan membaca buku di sore menjelang senja. Iya saya merindukan senja...
Bahkan saat ini saya membayangkan saya sedang bersantai di pinggir pantai dengan lukisan senja di depan mata... sensasi sederhana yang membuat kita merasa damai.
Semenjak saya tinggal di Jakarta saya melewatkan banyak moment dalam hidup saya... Banyak sekali hal yang harus saya lakukan dan lewati yang membuat kenikmatan teh itu menjadi sangat mahal. Dan ini berlangsung sudah satu setengah tahun, menyedihkan. Saya bekerja dan belajar hidup, itu yang saya lakukan.
Jakarta menyadarkan saya bahwa hidup itu seperti kata Forrest Gump, like a box of chocolate, kita tidak pernah tahu rasa apa yang kita dapat. Satu setengah tahun ini sama dengan lima tahun hidup saya yang lalu, pembelajarannya. Berlebihan ? Saya rasa tidak. Saya bertambah tua lima tahun dalam jangka waktu yang cukup pendek karena episode hidup yang saya lalui.
Saya rindu senja. Rindu keindahan sederhana. Saya ingat ketika saya di Sunderland begitu gampang rasanya menikmati kedamaian yang ditawarkan angin laut. Terkadang saya hanya terduduk di tepi laut dengan cokelat panas dan kentang, sakit saya terobati, lara saya tersapu. Di waktu lain saya menikmati keromantisan bulan bulat, saya berdansa di bawah bulan purnama bersama pacar. Setelahnya kami berjalan-jalan, bertukar cerita dan tawa. Tak ada luka, tak ada tangis.
Ketika itu tidak terlintas di pikiran saya kalau ternyata semua kesederhanaan itu berharga sangat mahal. Sangat mahal. Kebahagiaan itu tidak terbeli, dan itu nyata.
Jakarta membuat saya bekerja 12 jam sehari. Membuat saya lupa warna senja. Membuat saya tidak mempunyai hati lagi. Menyadarkan bahwa waktu menggilas kita. Mengingatkan saya bahwa benar manusia dalam keadaan merugi.
Bahkan saat ini saya membayangkan saya sedang bersantai di pinggir pantai dengan lukisan senja di depan mata... sensasi sederhana yang membuat kita merasa damai.
Semenjak saya tinggal di Jakarta saya melewatkan banyak moment dalam hidup saya... Banyak sekali hal yang harus saya lakukan dan lewati yang membuat kenikmatan teh itu menjadi sangat mahal. Dan ini berlangsung sudah satu setengah tahun, menyedihkan. Saya bekerja dan belajar hidup, itu yang saya lakukan.
Jakarta menyadarkan saya bahwa hidup itu seperti kata Forrest Gump, like a box of chocolate, kita tidak pernah tahu rasa apa yang kita dapat. Satu setengah tahun ini sama dengan lima tahun hidup saya yang lalu, pembelajarannya. Berlebihan ? Saya rasa tidak. Saya bertambah tua lima tahun dalam jangka waktu yang cukup pendek karena episode hidup yang saya lalui.
Saya rindu senja. Rindu keindahan sederhana. Saya ingat ketika saya di Sunderland begitu gampang rasanya menikmati kedamaian yang ditawarkan angin laut. Terkadang saya hanya terduduk di tepi laut dengan cokelat panas dan kentang, sakit saya terobati, lara saya tersapu. Di waktu lain saya menikmati keromantisan bulan bulat, saya berdansa di bawah bulan purnama bersama pacar. Setelahnya kami berjalan-jalan, bertukar cerita dan tawa. Tak ada luka, tak ada tangis.
Ketika itu tidak terlintas di pikiran saya kalau ternyata semua kesederhanaan itu berharga sangat mahal. Sangat mahal. Kebahagiaan itu tidak terbeli, dan itu nyata.
Jakarta membuat saya bekerja 12 jam sehari. Membuat saya lupa warna senja. Membuat saya tidak mempunyai hati lagi. Menyadarkan bahwa waktu menggilas kita. Mengingatkan saya bahwa benar manusia dalam keadaan merugi.
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