oops!

my feeling today ? liberated ! [lol] more like an independence day. The magazine finally is being printed... on the 28th!! a week late! anyway... we made it... 5 of us! going to Bali tomorrow yipppppiiieee holiday, eventually! after been delayed for many times! and the best thing is free return ticket in business class [what a life!] hmmm it's business trip actually, but very very nice business trip. Going to write about Bali trip with X5 [aha] and stayingin this ehm in my friend words f**k me rates villa [lol] since it's very expensive $US1000/night [aha] on wed and thu. Then my ed' has allowed me to extend my stay there hooorraaahhh... soo... goin to stay till sunday! Kucrit will be there, Hanita will be there and going to meet my long lost friend as well Gemma [hopefully] and not to mention.... KU DE TA oohhh oooohhh... and wishing for the BIG SURPRISE on fri!!! if things are going as what it has planned, my life will be just perfect! definitely! lets see, business class flight, c151 villa, BMW X5, best friends, KU DE TA, McDreamy, Sunset and..... Bali!!!! do envy me !!! =D

Skype Me

my friend once told me that sometime people don't realise when they access an Internet it means that they are connecting to the world, he/she is going to publish or share any information even confidential things to the people around the world. It is somehow make this life easier and no boundary indeed but the bad news is the  raise
of a new form of criminality... how many people are aware with the computer security hacker ? 
me, myself I never even think that I am insecure when Iam using Internet... have u ?
The fact is hackers are getting smarter and smarter nowadays, their skill to crack the computer are impressive... seriously some friends of mine confessed that they can clean-up my credit card [tempting hehehe] or even crack national security system!and if u do online banking u should be more careful, seriously... 
that's what my friend keep telling me... these hackers, they have an ability to rob a big bank- let say in the UK- merely by sitting in their room in Bangladesh, with coffee and ciggy and in the next two hours they become billionaires! 
These recent days I feel insecure with my Skype account, and that is because many stranger from all over the world
say HI to me out of sudden... and it makes me think, "what the f**k, who the hell r u" yeah of course I'm ignoring
these pshyco yet it makes me think somehow, that once we access an internet we really open ourselves to the world! Back then in 1998, when at the first time I became an Internet addict, i was so excited of having a chat
through internet [can't even remember what was the name] I stayed-up all night in front of my PC, chatting with
new people from here and there... and I was addicted! I didn't feel I was insecure... well think when I was younger
I was too busy socialize hehehehehe... and now I don't feel fine getting a HI from stranger... Somehow, I always
think, how about if this person is a pervert u know... that kind of thing, maybe it is because I've seen many bad things instead of sincerity in this crazy world... plus when you are adult, why u say HI to a stranger ? u know what
I mean ?? In the other hand I realise that this internet has now became a social utility, to connect people without
border... that's the reason why I use Skype, merely to talk with my friend overseas, cheap and cheery.
Less and less people now have a time to socialize, and internet is somehow connected them to the world outside..
that's the beneficial of it, i guess.. cos that's what I feel too hehehe...yet for me, think I prefer to maintain
the relation I have had instead of making a new one with pshyco strangers.

me and my big mouth !

"Is there sumthing that u wanna say ?"

"well, yeah actually... telling you the truth, I don't like the way u emailed me last time... it was a bit harsh... u know i'm hired for this magz not that magz so, everybody is doing it voluntarily u know... so it'll be nice if u ask a favour in a nice way"

"Oh, Okay.. I am sorry I don't mean to do harm toward u, it was a quick email u know..."

"well, when i read it while I was having too many things on my plates i felt so irritated in a way... no offence okay... I just want u to know that I don't feel okay with that."

"sure.. I am sorry..."

"it's ok... I know that u r so deppresed but u know... doesn't mean u can't be nice."

then when he went I somehow got my self together and.... CRAP what the hell was that ??? am I nut ??? CRAP... now I am waiting to be kicked out, PERFECT... I was being straight forward to.... big daddy's sweet heart!!!!

My friends comment of my madness : "Ohh Nina, u're rock woman!" " U did a great thing"  "U did the right thing, perfecto..." etc

yeah yeah whateva just hope that I won't get sack by next week caused by my big mouth !!!
but... I know I'm screw!!!

my things on his birthday...

• Starting the day by singing happy b'day for my boo2 hahaha, he laughed so much =) i know terrible voice
• my car's engine doesn't want to start and I had to take a cab all the way to the office !
• deadline which made me dead, literally! yet I managed to finish all my articles, eventually...
• had stomachache
• the man whore is back ! nightmare
• some pictures of my articles are still missing, darn it! bloody moron! some people are just so pain in the ass you know ! free advertisement on a high-end magazine, what else could u expected ?
• 12 red roses along with very nice card delivered in my desk ! He's the one who celebrate the birthday, yet I am the one who got the roses... so sweet... thanks boo =)
• got an email from my long-lost humanitarian friend whom I met in Aceh ! nice !
• went home quite early, at 7pm =) again with the cab !
• as always BAD news from home !
• the water was suddenly stop flowing in the middle of my shower! Damnit!
• he just ate sushi hahaha... my favourite food
• ...'n I think I just ate loads of ants from my noodles! Perfect!

23.08.07

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

my dear BOO BOO

xxxxxxxxxx
l.o.v.e.u

really ??? seriously ???

sometime when things are meant to be, it seems like the whole universe is supporting in some ways... so easy and feasible. This afternoon I had an appointment with this man, I wasn't sure whether I can made it or not since I had an article need to be done by this afternoon and I know I would have felt bad if I hadn't finished it before I run off. At that moment I didn't think I could made it. Tried to call the person and was asking if it's possible to rearrange the appointment',"nggak bisa mbak, soalnya udah dijadwalin hari ini. Palingan Rabu depan tapi itu juga jadwal Bapak udah penuh..." Crap... I won't be able to make it by next Wed as well since I have to go to Bali, so... " Ok, but I'll be  a lil bit late, hope that's ok.." Crap !!! I tried to concentrate very hard and focus on my article...  During that time, I was swearing billion times I guess and my friends at work as well as my editor looked 
bit confused yet understood "pshyco bitch!" hahahaha... The appointment was on 12 noon and I had to go not late than 11.30. Luckily I managed to finish my article at 11.15, emailing to my ed...at 11.20 run to the toilet and rushly
went down to catch the taxy. Fortunately when I reached the building' front gate this taxy stopped in front of me...
Pffhhhh.... 12 sharp "mbak Nina ya ? tunggu sebentar ya.... Bapak X lagi ngrokok..." Pfhhh....

"Hey Nina...." bla bla bla.... "u know Nina, to be honest with you, I love your personality!"
I was trying so damn hard not to laugh!!! Seriously... I hoped he wasn't drunk when he said that...
my AJAIB personality impress him ??? The other thing was, he held papers of my phsycologist test!!!!
seriously..... those bloody papers must tell a big crap.... cos I remember when I did that test it was full of crap
I was thinking that I am an idiot (lol) seriously.... but hey... I may have a unique personality anyway hehehehe
I dunno man... it was just so hilarious for me.. but it made my day, apparently =)
at least now I know, there is still a fun side of me within...
I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun I am fun.... Okay I am now annoying !!!!

my contrast life...

I went to my skin doctor this afternoon, to torture my face (that's what I usually called for the activity named; FACIAL!!) wasn't that bad... if u know what I mean...'cos somehow during the facial u suddenly become crybaby hehehe seriously whether u like it ornot. Then, I poped in to Kem Chick it's a supermarket nestled in Kemang.. 
they sell the finest products of food hmm the soften way to say expensive.. well, knowing the target market are expats so, what do u expect ? well, me definitely not one of them =) I don't earn dollar as well but hey... 
I love good food 'n I know fine food... for once in a while I deserve to have some, aite? Anyway, after I went round to find some ingredients to make sandwich [salmon,turkey,
mozarella spread,veggies], spinach quiche, sunrise banana, hazelnut coffee [love it], I went
out with a big grin in my face...nice foooood so excited 'n happy =) when I got my car I suddenly wanted
to listen jazz tunes, dunno why... somehow I just remembered the old days and u know 
some times there are some things in ur previous life that u want to maintain... and definitely I
have some that I desperately want to retain into my today life, for instance I really want to have the "feel" of
my room in Roker 73 back, was so nice...I always felt inspired.. with that particular smell, lighting.. even the bed
and the duvet.. were so comfy! Every morning I started with BBC radio then I read some news in the internet... 
with hot tea and toast 'n choc nutella spread... with the window on my top, I could enjoyed the view of the sky and fell the breeze... damn! was sooo beautiful!!! then went to the kitchen where all my bestfriends gathered...
went to town to meet my boyfriend for lunch.. then bookstore.. or library... went home and started cooking for
dinner, had dinner with all my flatmates.. always the highlight for the day... soooooooo damn fine u know...
and..that what I was thinking after I shop at Kem Chick [i bought stuff tht I usually bought back then] .
When I drove home, just after I went out from the store
I saw some unfortunate children on the streetside... u know they beg for some change...
n one of this boy came after my window, knocked it with his hand's open up... "Shit, this is Jakarta..."
u know, when u dream about a good life then within a second u open ur eyes and manage to see ur surrounding,
ur dream will instanly vanish, 'cos u then kick by the reality.. that there's no such a good life in this city !!! children are spending their times on the street being beggars... n i know that some of them are being trafficked...
there are mafia' chain behind them that using them... n it's just soooo terrible... horrifying u know...
n how will u digest ur £20 food when u know all of those shits ???? I dropped my pasta [I ate it when the red light
was on], gave away my Swiss wafers to the kids plus some money... my pasta wasn't feel tasty anymore. My jazz screaming out my ears.... the weather burned my skin! 
Is this what am I going to experience for the rest of my life if I live in this chaotic city ? will I become wiser or
sceptical, instead ? How long will I stand this kind of life ? 
Am listening to Vernon Kay now... with the rosey smell in my room yet I don't feel okay, I'm questioning my self
"how long will I stay here..."

lovely saturday

ughhhh yeahhhh, peachy day at last....
spend the day with nandy 'n kucrit, watched bourne ultimatum, wicked... then hmmmmm nice n nice seafood dinner !!!!!!! ate a lot!!!!! =) ahhh me 'n ma appetize =D what can I say...
managed to go to toshiba service center and they said Mr Crimson' LCD is totally broken n need to be changed and u know how much will it cost ? minimum of 7 million!!! yeah right!!! just forget it... i could even get the new one for that price! seriously! silly... to conclude, the day was so friendly including the traffic... AHA Jakarta's traffic was so delight! but not for Mr Crimson.. bad bad news for him! 

ruang rindu

di daun yang ikut mengalir lembut
terbawa sampai ke ujung mata
dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada
jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
terasa hangat oh didalam hati
kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi
tak pnah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
ku saat itu mencari makna
tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada
*kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
smua kutrima apa adanya
mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
di ruang rindu kita bertemu


HUHUHUHUHU..... KANGEN KANGEN KANGEN.........!!!!!!!!!!

=(

a fine morning ...PLEASE

I kind of person who believe in the power of a delicate morning. The mood you r in when you awake will easily define the feel of the remaining day. Lately, I wake up in very unpleasant way...
I don't know what's wrong with some people, they text 'bout bad news early in the morning! seriously, can't u wait for couple more hours ??? seriously! 
And, therefore I've been so strain lately... grumpy and cranky!! my friends at work they know me very well especially with 
my new habit, swearing all the time...=( i'm not happy with this... seriously...
bad news for this day which i received at 5 am was... my mom's best friend is passed away.
Innalilalahi wainailaihi rojiun.... she was admirable woman, she always considered me as her
own daughter... When she travelled, she always remembered to buy me souvenir, some times
when I'm home she sent some cookies or my favourite 'pandan' cake... so lovely.
This friend of mine, Evi or usually called Cepik, we used to be very very close when we were
in high school, even we went to Oz for holiday together... somehow due with our chaotic life we don't get in touch that intense... evenmore she is a mother of lil cute Keisya now...
she is enjoying her motherhood life and me with my head over hell single woman's life...
quite different struggle... yet... she remains the best friend of mine.. though i can't say
i'm a good friend of her anymore... (maybe for other people as well...) ...
so funny how ourselves change in a way huh... the mingle socialize girl has turned to be a cynical solitude woman.
anyway... so sad knowing the fact that i can't go to the funeral since it'll be held in Yogya.
My deepest condolence for Cepik and her family and sincere prays for her mom. Somehow I just believe that He'll take care of her better... Amien.
time flies... Cepik' mom has just passed away, in unexpected time...
bad news never had a good timing huh ? 

PRESTIGE

=) yup yup... I am living in this world!
(this is what Mas Radit did when he fed-up with the deadline!touch me up =)I'm in huh ? hahaha)

shout out

this is a shout out of the weeks in my office, in fact our status in MSN, YM n Skype are the same:

Once a manwhore always a manwhore !!!!!

true colours

I bet u all familiar with this words, “even a hero has the right to bleed” right? Dan saya membuktikannya benar. Sehebat apa pun seseorang, bahkan lelaki, pasti mempunyai what so called “weakness” yang seringkali hanya ditunjukkan kepada orang terdekatnya, seseorang yang membuat dia merasa nyaman menjadi “orang biasa”
Seorang teman, sukses di usianya yang masih muda, memimpin perusahaan teknologi di Timur Tengah. Seorang perfeksionis yang sayangnya good looking dan single. Singkat kata dia mempunyai semua kriteria yang dimimpikan perempuan. Bahkan saya sempat terheran-heran bahwa a perfect man does exist dan tidak hanya di dongeng-dongeng saja. Tapi tentu saja, saya terus mencari kelemahan dia karena saya tidak mau mempercayai dia sesempurna itu. Awalnya saya tidak percaya saya “berteman” dengannya, lebih tidak percaya lagi bahwa pada akhirnya dia merasa “nyaman” berbagi cerita dengan saya. Jangan salah, saya tidak jatuh cinta padanya, sempat terpikir pasti akan menyenangkan menjadi seseorang yang “dipilihnya” tapi… saya tahu itu tidak benar. Sebagai seseorang workaholic, dia bahkan tidak mempunyai waktu untuk socialize dan tentunya “mencari” pendamping
hidup. Meskipun dia mengaku pernah beberapa kali mencoba berkomitmen namun pada akhirnya dia lebih mencintai “karir” nya. Yah… seringkali saya memotret hidup-nya seperti di soap opera! Kenapa ini istimewa buat saya ? karena sebelumnya saya belum pernah mempunya “teman” se-sophisticated ini, atau tepatnya there’s no way for me to make a friend with a person from this kind of crowd. Terlalu ..hmmm mengawang-awang. Bayangkan saja, ketika saya meng-google-nya, dia ada di mana-mana. Dan itu bukan karena friendster atau pun blogging… =) dia melakukan sesuatu dalam hidupnya! Kata yang tepat sebenarnya, menakutkan! “Berteman” dengannya membuat saya memahami kehidupan seorang “superman” dan bagaimana dia “berkomunikasi” Well, kadang menyebalkan, karena dia seperti datang dan pergi seenak jidatnya, yah walaupun saya tahu itu karena kesibukannya namun tetap saja saya belum terbiasa untuk dicuekin! Sementar di lain waktu dia bercerita ini itu sepanjang hari di saat saya dikejar-kejar deadline. Semakin hari saya semakin mengenalnya dan itu terkadang semakin menakutkan… entah kenapa. Dia mengajari saya banyak hal… itulah mengapa saya tetap berteman dengannya. Dan ya… in the end saya menyadari bahwa dia juga “manusia” bukan seorang superman lagi di mata saya, meski masih di mata banyak orang. Dia sakit, sakit hati, konyol, tolol dan kekanak-kanakan. Sifat-sifat yang tidak mungkin ditunjukkannya di depan staf, client dan colleague-nya. U know, I do now believe that true colours are hard to reveal… only few people are lucky to be able to testify it during our life. Saya sendiri menjadi pribadi yang amat sangat berbeda di depan kekasih saya dan terkadang itu membuatnya complains a lot… =) We choose our destiny somehow… like the way we choose our “people” . We build our own army… because we believe these people will stand for us… they will not running away no matter how lousy we are… in fact they will defend our pride when we ourselves have nothing’s left. And I think, I am just this lucky bitch who have a chance to be somebody’s “people”

bloody bugs !!

I finally went to the hospital to check my small itchy bumps in my hands. it's getting worse and worse, bengkak, panas 'n gatel banget! extremely irritating! n i have no idea what caused this disease. The doctor said either I'm alergic on something or being attacked by bugs!!! and i go with the second diagnoze, since i can't remember that i'm allergic on food apart from crab which i haven't eaten crab for the last ten years i guess.
well, now at least I got some medicines, pills and cream.
Bought some DVDs yesterday, some Korean n Japanese movies.. so so funny u know... silly movies with some gorgeous Asian guys =)giving me an addiction, soon i guess... =D
Been looking forward to have a proper holiday, and when i actually have that chance which is next week, (long weekend 17-19) I don't know whether I could go or not because my silly pasport is expires on Oct. Usually three-four months before the due date we can't travel outside... most of the times actually. Try to renew it(have to be sent to Yogya).. and hopefully it'll be done by thursday. finger cross! ohhh.. really need a holiday ! for once i really one to get the thing that I want and I need at the same time..  

09.08.07

It was a pretty strange day, yesterday. Went to Grand Hyatt early in the morning to interview this art photographer from Oz... was enjoyable. Then.... another bunch of red roses delivered in my desk =) was lifting me up... *thanks dear...* then irritated by this johny boy with his harsh email! nerve-racking indeed! really want to kick him out! seriously! but.. hey.. by the end of the day I smiled, anyway. Well why bother ? I won't let a single email from a person who doesn't even know what he's doing , ruining my whole day! Compare with roses from the one I care and plus an amusing conversation with mr homer ? c'mon... well to conclude my thursday.. fell like I was travelling all over the world. Interviewed Australian photographer, tasted Canadian food brought by DestinAsian Canadian editor, roses from my Swedish boy friend,teased by my British editor, irritated by American idiot and shared stupid jokes with my Belgium friend... not to mention a strange email from this Turkish man ! What an adventorous day, indeed ! *sigh*

10 years

where would I be for the next 10 years ? Somehow this question popped-up in my mind... whether I would be stuck here in Jakarta or somewhere else... whether I remain a writer or someone else...whether I would have children and being someone's wife or stay alone and synical... whether I grown up or stuck in my past ? questions after questions after questions. The thing about plan is we never plan an unexpected thing... U know that most of the times we can't have it all ? and learning to accept that we get what we need instead of what we want is pretty difficult. Pretty good things are rare and hard to find. What I'm doing today, apparently will shape to be another me in the future... in the next ten years.Yet, still I do many silly things in my life... waste many hours doing
something useless and meaningless. Thinking about the past, linger with the anger... I really want to believe that I'm moving on... cos I seriously do not interested on going back. It is true that I have some highlights during the past. but it was past... 'n that's why I am what I am today. I am way from perfect today, of course,
yet I've been through lot of things and I thankful for that. Ten years ago, I was in high school...in Yogya..
I remember I was happy during those times. What I know for sure at that moment I didn't have a mind that I'll be in Jakarta, being a writer and have Albanian boyfriend. I didn't even plan these or even think about these.
I was so playful... I could just go out in a strange place along with the strange crowd and I could easily blend with 'em without difficulty and being a spotlight.Now ? I am a total solitude... and I'm okay with it. So, when I'm thinking about the next ten years... I think I'll be content for discovering another part of my self which might I never even thought about it. What would you be in the next 10 years ?

My Poor Mr Crimson...

think I really need to fix my laptop! it's getting into my nerve now... 
hmm, dunno where to go and how much will it costs this time! I realise somehow been torturing 
my reddish laptop with all my radio assignments and projects, back then. *sorry dear* To show my appreciation to this sleek Toshiba 17" P20 going to write-up something bout him hehehe. 
I bought him hmm.. three years ago I guess in the late 2004, the reason was I need a laptop with
sophisticated features and specs as it is in desktop for editing and making radio documenter/feature. 
So it deals with sound and graphic. Anyway I fell in love with this big and heavy laptop with its red look, an outstanding wide screen and a great deal of power, including respectable 3D graphics handling,not to mention unreasonable price, believe me was soo expensive during those times! Still can not believe, that i did purchase it =D seriously. Once Mr Crimson crashed, it costs me three million, plus have to 
take it all the way to Hong Kong,
since the spare-part cannot be found here. Stupid, what a waste. It's very high maintenance u know.
I don't know whether it is me or Mr Crimson has already fed-up w/ me, cos recently he always gives me a trouble,
like NOW. The colours in my screen don't blend very well, u know what I mean, so it dominated with blue and green.
Indeed irritating.
Thinking to purchase the lil one now... u know the way a laptop is made =)
No..no.. gonna keep Mr Crimson anyhow, too precious to be sold or given away... no way!
here are the facts why I love Mr Crimson (remember i bought him three years ago!):)
Intel® Pentium® 4 processor with HT Technology, 3.40GHz
Genuine Microsoft® Windows® XP Home Edition
Microsoft® Office OneNote[TM] 2003
Toshiba ConfigFree[TM] Connectivity Doctor
512MB DDR SDRAM
80GB Hard Disk Drive with shock absorber
Super-crisp Wide View 17" TFT display
NVIDIA GeForce FX Go 5700 with 64MB Video RAM and Microsoft DirectX® 9.0 support generates faster, smoother special effects for superior 3D gaming
Unique twin module bay design features a module bay DVD Super Multi drive and a module bay main battery that can easily be exchanged with other optional modules for further functionality
Outstanding Harman/Kardon speaker and SRS® TruSurround XT[TM] virtual surround sound effects deliver real cinema standard mobile entertainment
SD Card slot, i.Link (IEEE 1394), S-video and component video out, Fast Infrared, and 4 x USB ports
Integrated Wireless LAN 802.11b/g (up to 5x faster than 802.11b) for high-speed access to wireless networks or the Internet
Innovative red and silver styling concept with multi-colored LED palm rest keys

internet bliss

I've got internet connection in my room, eventually... and.. it means I could listen to my lovely Vernon Kay again! Yay! been so long I haven't listened to his show, one of my favourite radio DJ ever! hmm.. he's radio 1 DJ, log-in to BBC Radio 1 and try to listen to his show... he's lovable and his show is very much enjoyable, believe me =) It's a public holiday tomorrow regarding to Jakarta's governor's election. I don't vote anyway, I don't posses Jakarta's Id. Yeah you rite, I am an alien !However, many things to do tomorrow; have to buy THREE birthday gifts!!! two for my best friends, nandy cong and prita cong =p and one for my baby... yup, i'll be broke very soon indeed !!! why on earth all of my dearest ones were born on the same month?? then... two articles need to be done by tomorrow, yeah yeah... I know... I just can't help to ignore my works! I envy Homer Simpsons btw, he said "ignorance is bliss" 'n it's true... Talking about The Simpsons, I haven't had a time to watch the movie *sigh* hope tomorrow I could manage to watch it as well *finger cross* Do you know that this show is becomingthe longest-running sitcom ever ?  Yeah, the first aired was on 1989! Funny huh, on how Bart reminds me of 
Unyil... u know they both remain kid ! haha... this kind of world only exist on the "movie-world" never grow old! no worry about grey hair, wrinkle... and so forth... hmmm....

a quick round-up

just want to quick up-date what had happened for the last week. spent my weekend at home as it is known... was whirlwinding due to some family matters... somehow what i learn in this life is, He always manage His way to teach us something... and most of the times shit things happen to good people... yeah... anyway, tuesday ? hmm well i went to the hospital to visit Hito, after i heard that he need blood transfusion. Somehow i just really wanted to visit him. My instinct told that. Went there with Kucrit and Kimpoy and talked with Hito's father. Sad. He had given up for some reasons in which we couldn't accept. Mixture feeling I had that night. Wednesday 4am, hit by the news that Hito has passed away. Can't explain the feeling I had within. Went to his funeral with some friends. Grieving. I'm 26 and I went to my friend's funeral. The reality checked when I hint Hito's friendster page the next following day, lots of people show their condolence on the testimonial space. I cried. There are some things in this world that can not be explained and will remain a riddle. And again, He really knows how to surprise His' slave. Got a sweet surprise on Friday. 12 red roses delivered at my desk from my dear baby (thanks babe... for giving me a sweet closure on the cloudy week). Yet, 12 roses still couldn't save my crappy weekend when I had to flew to Bali to interview this miss universe. Crap. She soesn't speak English, the traslator only speaks Japanese and very basic Bahasa, crap. My weekend was a total crap not to mention got bitten by some insects and leave some small bumps on my right hand. Itches! for the fisrt time in my life, I hate Bali!

releasing the star

seseorang pernah mengajarkan kepada saya : "you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run"
pada suatu titik di hidup kita, kita memang harus membuat suatu keputusan dan kepastian. Untuk diri kita sendiri setidaknya... mengeliminir hal-hal yang tidak pasti dalam hidup kita, memilah-milah mana yang ilusi dan mana yang realiti. Dan yang pasti tahu saatnya untuk berkemas dan "pergi". bagi saya, entah bagaimana, ada sesuatu dalam hidup ini yang hanya indah ketika ia tetap menjadi impian kita, sesuatu yang unreachable. Seperti layaknya bintang, yang hanya indah dipandang dari kejauhan... berkelip manis dan tidak menyilaukan.
Dan ini saatnya saya untuk berkemas... dan pergi. Mengemasi sesuatu yang beberapa waktu ini berlari-lari lincah di pikiran dan hati saya. by the end of the day, saya tahu ini hanya ilusi.. yah meski saya tahu saya mampu mengusahakannya menjadi kenyataan. tapi, lagi-lagi saya pikir i just love the idea of this beauty... seperti juga katanya, dalam hidup ini kita harus berperan seperti penjudi yang hebat, thus we will survive. and here I am... melepaskan sebuah bintang dari genggaman saya... sebelum saya berdarah tertusuk ujung-ujung segi-nya. I'm watching you... down here. don't fall... be a great gambler as you told me...