It Is Ephemeral...

Like I said, life is like fashion... it is ephemeral. It keeps changing in a way, sometimes it gets better and ace but most of the times we experience a slope downgrade in term of its quality as a mankind. Some people may realise it and some may not or even don't care about what so called "improvement".

I just got a kick that as a mankind I'm getting worse and worse. I lost my idealism, my sensitivity, .., and maybe else--I can't even recall it, so shameful. I used to think a lot about this life, how it is supposed to be and how to make it better and yet what I'm doing now is complaining this complaining that. Nothing really to be proud of.

My friend knocked me with my old writings dates back two or three years, it contains my pure thought of this life, something effortless and unpretentious... something that I miss a lot lately. My world now is revolving around my job in which I thought great but to be honest it's not. Look at me... my attitude has reach such a degree that I can't tolerate more. I don't get better in anything. Even when I thought I write better yet I don't think I am.

I lost a kind of "spirit" that makes me... ME... a person who has a zillion idealism and dreams. A woman who believes that life isn't supposed to be difficult in a sense of equality and humanity. Maybe I priorly lived in capsulate world where there are hopes swinging on the grey sky... and maybe I'm now grounded in this "real" world, a scope where people hide behind their own masks and prefer being an asshole yet survive than being a "human being" and trapped in a self-conflict and despair.

I used to fight for some goods, not merely for my own self but for people around me... and thus my life was a lot more at eased. [sigh]

I think on the top of that, I lost my heart... a single matter that define me as a mankind.
I'm sorry... I can't even say enough to my own self...
I hope my hope will soon emerge...

'cos life is ephemeral
it is.