My Today World

this life is not "sex in the city" movie set, although I believe billion women out there analogue themselves as Carrie Bradshaw or Samantha Jones or Miranda Hobbes or even Charlotte York, ask yourself! To admit it, I was once yeah... long time ago... I would had loved being the fabolous Carry, again back then in my early twenties.

Today, I found this life is so much interesting in a complicated way than "sex in the city" at least for me... in my age.
I sat in this chic and stylish hotel this afternoon, having strawberry mojito with a friend who work for the hotel. She asked me how old am I... then the conversation was leading to how difficult to keep Mr Right.

Finding one is not as tough as keeping, she said. She is married and five years older than me...
When I said; "ohh I feel old..." she was smiling and said; "you r not.. it's your golden moment to cherish the life!"
She was having her lemon tea and continued: "when I was in your age,.........."

"really ?"
I then looked at the view outside... it was a beautiful dusk
Am I this blind ? Am I too conventional ? Am I too reclusive ?
Why these women have so much fun ? And I'm stuck in front of my Mcbook like every single second?

"When you work hard you have to play hard as well, for the sake of your mind and soul!" a friend told me that.
She was the Director of PR in this renowned and prominence company. She is in her thirties, hard worker yet she's been having so much with her life! "How come you go to this lounge like twice a week in weekday?"
"why not ?"
why not ? yeah... she was right

My married friend said that it's very difficult to resist the temptation especially when you work on the company that requires you to meet many people. Marriage and love are the things that you can't take it for granted!
That's why this friend decided to get married on her late 29. A time when she thought she knew how to hold her self in.

Meanwhile my single friend, she still loves to play around... I think she just live her life to the fullest! She likes being surrounded by Mr Big! and why you have to be settled in a marriage that will gives you another headache that you can't run away from when you can get whatever you want and throw it away when it rusts?

"There are many McYummies outside darling... and they are all want to have fun, celebrate it!" they both said.

When you are surrounded by Samantha Jones in your life, you'll probably think that being Charlotte York is very wrong!

The last time I had party was last night, PRESTIGE GALA and it was a blast! I was having so much fun indeed... I danced and laughed with my friends and some people I know during my job as a writer from the CEOs till designers... I put my best dress and made up beautifully... I fell so good! Although after a while I sat in a white soften fur sofa and talked with a friend what the hell are these people doing after this party ? why they really want to be in the spotlight... they laugh caused by the alcohol and then what ??? somehow in a particular moment my cynicism came out!

Indeed, hundred of Mr Bigs were there and hundred of Samantha Jones were there too...
As Miranda Hobbes I brimmed over with some cynical words!
I hope I was wrong!

Is that true that the men out there are more like Joey than Ross ?

My friend told me last nite that why the man that she's been crushed on hasn't said the three words or ask to go to the next level ? This man is successful one, busy with his job, in his forties, eligible bachelor if you want to say...
"It seems that he has been playing the game, it's tiring! one day I feel being needed the other day I'm ignored.."
confusion

.... How many men who play black jack ?

My friend gave me this DVD couple days ago, she said: "The screenplay reminds me of you."
Me ? I mean like why on earth has to have a resonance with my life ?

I watched the movie eventually driven by my curiosity... and...
DAMN!
that movie is my real life in some ways! not my whole life but it pictures some sequels in my life lately!

My question [again]: Why there are more and more Mr Big, Joey and McSteamy in this world ?
Soo unfair...
Whilst at the same time, there are many cinderellas outside who dream to find their prince charming!

You gorgeous men out there, is love only about a manipulation of mind for you?
Oh My....!
He's so damn right!
nice and sweet woman is boring!

CINTA

doa ibu saya tahun ini berbeda, ketika beliau mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun untuk saya empat hari yang lalu.
Ibu saya tidak pernah menuntut... Ibu saya orang yang keras dan tegar... mungkin dari sana juga "kekerasan' saya berasal.
iya... doa ibu saya tahun ini, ingin saya "segera diberi jalan" tentunya untuk menuju ke jenjang pernikahan...
saya tidak pernah terpengaruh atau terkena sindrom "ingin menikah" ketika teman-teman saya beramai-ramai menikah, ketika orang-orang di sekitar saya terlampau semangat menanyakan kapan saya menikah. Saya menikah karena memang sudah saatnya saya menikah, saya menikah karena saya ingin menikah... saya menikah karena Allah.

dan itulah kenapa sampai sekarang Dia belum "mengijinkan" saya menikah. Sederhana saja karena saya belum mampu mencintai karena Allah... saya masih dikuasai oleh nafsu saya untuk mencintai seseorang... saya belum ikhlas... saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari orang yang saya cintai... dan bahkan saya mengharapkan banyak hal dari cinta itu sendiri. Padahal seperti saya katakan sebelumnya saya ingin mencintai karena-Nya.

Saya belum mampu.
saya bahkan masih mencari bentuk cinta karena-Nya itu... kungkungan nafsu saya lebih besar dari rasa ikhlas saya...
Tuhan tahu saya belum mampu untuk berkomitmen... Dia juga amat sangat tahu, saya tidak ingin kecewa karena saya gagal untuk mencapai tahapan cinta itu.. ketika saya melagkah ke jenjang itu tentu saja saya ingin "menghamba" dan Dia tahu... saya belum siap.

saya bersyukur saya diberi kemampuan untuk membuka mata dan telinga, belajar apa cinta itu dari sekeliling saya. Orang tua saya, kakak saya, siapa saja... saya tahu ada bentuk "keindahan" dalam sebuah keihlasan...
saya menunggu.
Menunggu sebuah cahaya kecil dari Tuhan penanda cinta saya berkembang.

saya lama tak berdoa.
lama tak bersujud... mungkin sajadah panjang saya juga bertanya-tanya keriaan macam apa yang melenakan saya.
karena Ibu saya, saya rindu menekuri kembali malam-malam panjang saya untuk "berbicara" pada-Nya
belajar untuk ikhlas...
belajar untuk mencintai dari-Nya...

....dalam kelelahan saya menyusuri jalan panjang ini bersama dia yang saya kasihi, saya temukan sebuah kenikmatan.
dan saya sadar, kenikmata ini hanya secuil kecil dari apa yang akan kita rasai nanti ketika kita telah mampu menyanding Allah di atas cinta kita. InsyaAllah... Amien

madness

why oh why... when u have too many things on your plate u just dunno how to start ! why ????
i'm bit drama queen now, i have billion articles need to be done before i take off for my end-year holiday, but like now-i'm stuck! it's crazy u know... i'm freaking out! and i'm broke also... what a perfect combination, eh ??

this morning i struggled to arrange my roses... u'll understand if u pop-in my room.... roses everywhere hahaha... think it's more than 500 roses now. well... i do keep all the roses given by my bf.. hahaha don't ask why, i collect memorable things u know.. indeed many of them are dried, hence i transformed them became poutporry =p

my family back home is throwing a surprise party for my brother now and i am stuck here in front of my macbook! ironic! my bf is with his family as well now in sweden... hmmm... i'm lonesome ! what happen with my life today ? i don't even know my kos-mate u know... well i met them couple of times to say "hi&bye" and that's it i don't know their name and i'm sure they don't get bother to get to know my name either *sigh* tragic!

i spend most of my times in the office, that's my life i guess. Thank's God i have amazing friends there, in contrary the owner like a jackass, he treats us like dirt and slave! what a perfect life! sometime i'm thinking why i have to work in a palce where the owner desn't even give a shit bout my existence... doesn't he realise that without my articles his magz won't be able to published... well missing at least 15 pages !ridicolous! indeed the reason why i'm staying is my editor... he asked me to stay! and since he's a very good editor yeah.. i stay for my own sake, have so many things to learn from him.

so do envy my life ! perfect job with heartless boss, anti-sosial life and... long distance relationship!

lucky bitch !!!

got another 100 roses today HAHAHAHAHAHA..
aha... even my editor envy me =D

I was still enjoying my lilies, smell so good u know I just knew that lily' smell is so exotic =p
well it suddenly became my fav flower... anyway,and my bf sent another hundred roses along with chocs
oohhh fell so goooood u know!
i should've taken a pic next time I get another flowers to show u how beautiful it is... and and to make you jealous! hahaha!
yeah I'm that lucky bitch ! hahahaha that's what my friends called me hihihi!

Birthday !!

was so much fun... =) think it was one of the best birthday i've ever had.
so grateful that i'm circled by lovely friends, because of them this day was a blast!

thank you so much...
esp for them who have texted me with their beautiful words, my friends at the office including my editor who made me laughed so much today and felt special, my family who have been giving me so much affection ... and for nandy and prita for the stupid "one for all, all for one" moment! and last but not least... for my bf who had showered me with graceful lilies!

cheers for me! =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I AM [still] 26

when i WAS 26... think the higlight of my 26 was; getting this job hmmm... not the best in the world but hey... i'm doing the thing that i love to do!
what else ?
almost nothing i guess... =) throughout the year I've been learning "to work" u know what I mean ? employed by such company, being a staff, have to obey companies' rules and policy, having possibility to get sacked, get paid monthly with the same amount ... u know... i'm raised in the business oriented type of family, all my fam are doing enterpreunership [misspell, i guess] whateva, they have staffs, they run the company, they pay people to do things, they can take holiday at anytime they want to... it's very different world. Thus, every month my dad always ask : have u got any raise ?? yeah... I wish! all my family laugh so much when they knew how much I earn! again whateva!!

For many times my dad asked me whether I want to start my own business... and I'm still having the same answer, NO. I dunno why I don't think I have that kind of passion to become a businessman... someday maybe I want to have my own eatery =) Maybe... I'll meet Jamie Oliver and we become partner, who knows =) AMIEN!

I've got the nicest early b'day gift though... from this embassy! Hooorayyy!!! so, yeah hope i'll be starting my 27 with something magnificent =) [oya, have got two b'day presents from my mom n sibling this afternoon and... free chiropractic treatment from the owner! woohoooo]

hmmm... indeed I have some goals that I want to achieve; one thing for sure I want to become a better moslem, seriously! Been away too long... =( been experiencing this iman' degradation, bad nina! .... continuing on my book which I failed to finish it on my 26 [d'oh] then.... couple personal things that I really want to pursue this age...
Finger cross to all my wishes!

Hope tomorrow will brings way better and illuminous days =)

November, 11

I’m heading to my 27. On Wednesday I’ll be 27. I remembered, once I made a kind of goal or whatever you wanna call, I would be settled when I’m 27. And.. yeah here I am on my 27 and nowhere. I graduated from my master degree about two years ago and I’m stuck as a writer in this publication. Not that I don’t like my job, no no… I love it, this is the thing that I have always wanted to be.. but you know I should’ve been an editor at this moment, well theoretically I am a feature editor in this man’s magz but… well.. it’s not something that I can proud of for some reasons. And I should’ve have had my own book being published!

I should’ve already became a feature or documentary radio producer in the BBC or wherever… yeah should’ve. Again not that I’m being ungrateful… for me it’s kind an indication that I haven’t done my best… though for so many times I feel that I’ve done my best. Yet knowing the result, I definitely far for where I am heading for…

People say that I have to be patience… and this is a phase where I’m in the stage of “growing in pains” I don’t have a clue… Am I having what so called twenty-something crisis ??? Gosh, I thought I was different… a friend of mine told me “celebrate your life, age is just a number! Have a wine it’ll make you better” yeah.. whatever mate! Nice try though.. it’s a matter of a state of mind!!! Hell yeah now I’m trying to make myself feel better.

I just watched movie titled Once, and Irish movie actually which tells about this singer and a songwriter who is struggle to make a music demo… Regardless its brilliant songs, I somehow grasped the core of its story; we have to be committed for whatever we are doing in life and be dedicated.

Recently I interviewed some artists (painters) in Yogyakarta. They are all the raising stars at this moment. Young, talented and again have a strong commitment. After I talked with them I can’t hide my admiration of them. Their stories were lulled me somehow… All I know that there’s no shortcut to succeed!

I consider myself as an artist as well. Don’t laugh! A writer create something beautiful through his/her story, their words… words that can move people, can lull people, can take them to other place… you know what I mean, eh ? It’s a work of creativity, like an artist really.

Anyway, the point is; I have to work harder. I have to be committed for what I am doing… I don’t want to be a lame writer for sure… I don’t want to be ordinary…
And indeed I want to accomplish my mission while I’m still having time to experience what life has to offer.

hot seat..

di cubicle saya ada dua kursi, satu tentunya untuk saya duduk yang satu-nya lagi... entah kenapa ada di cubicle saya. Kalau berpikir untuk menerima tamu, tentu saja salah saya tidak menerima tamu di kantor... tepatnya di cubicle saya... my nest and mess, cubicle yang kata teman-teman kerja saya paling "happening" dengan pernak-pernik nggak penting. Hey... it's me.. I love pernak-pernik nggak penting! visual yang indah penting buat saya!

Anyway, kursi ini menjadi hot seat! seperti ada magnet tersendiri. Entah kenapa selalu saja setiap hari-nya ada yang duduk di kursi itu... bercerita. Yah... seperti pengakuan dosa atau justru membuat dosa... that's right dengan bitching someone else! Indeed saya menjadi seperti seorang pastor/pendeta yang menyimpan setiap "sampah" teman-teman kerja saya ini... lagi, entah kenapa!

am not complaining here... am actually thinking to put such recorder there.. hehehehe... and i'll compile those stories... semacam the office hahaha! mungkin kalau saya cerita di sini pasti akan menarik sekali... tapi hmm.. pastinya keesokan harinya saya dimusuhin teman sekantor, =p not really a good idea, is it ? unless saya sudah ingin mengakhiri hidup saya di dunia publishing hehehe...

it's fun to be honest... telling the truth saya tidak berpikir untuk 'mengenyahkan' kursi itu... biar saja, mungkin kursi itu memang dibutuhkan untuk 'menyeimbangkan' jiwa kita... yang haus ngomongin orang, mengutuk orang to make ourselves feel better...=) aren't we all ?

atau mungkin lebih cocok dijuluki kursi pesakitan ??? hmmm... =p