U've been the One for Me

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the mother of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I know your fears and you know mine
I've been addicted to you.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine...
(-JB-)

In the End of June

packed my bags, ready to go
...don't be sorry
'cos it won't be like this if u are sorry
by the end of this road, I hope u do eventually understand... that;
it's not because of the culture, the language, the career, the baby machine, the daughter, the parents and family, the values, living with the parents, staying in Jakarta or less effort to meet the expectations.......... it is because of HER.

don't be sorry really...
'cos by the end of this day u'll be having a cup of tea with them... some people u've chosen before me...
hope it'll make things easier for u n her... I could see her smile in this road' end =)

this is definitely the saddest yet the most sensible decision I've ever made in my life...
therefore, I hope that u really do understand... 'n won't make the same fool mistakes again towards her.

thank you for the ride 'n memories
I learn my mistakes 'n lessons
some times the end is just a new beginning of the other journey right ?

thus, au revoir... mon amour

Thanks God, He Is a Man !

Sometime we thought that some men are perfect... have good great career, gorgeous,brainy, single, fun... and the list goes on... 'n I do believe that many women will die for them., well regardless what the reasons beneath =)

In my life this far, I met these A-list men... 'n u know what I found in the end: none of them are perfect! in the end they are men =) they do stupid things... THINGS... =)
please never be blinded by their look, their glamorous life, their smart ass brain, their sweet lil words... seriously if u ladies open ur eyes u'll find many silly things on them... I promise u.
Even Bill Clinton fell for Monica, David Beckham has awful silly voice 'n Tom Cruise believes in alien... hmm... my McDreamy is gay! =D

a friend of mine who once I thought perfect as well (=p) told me that women expect the world from men.. 'n always look for L.O.V.E ........ so ladies please stop doing that, ROMANTISM is DEAD !

again... just let's celebrate their stupidity =)

a hope

This is the first time I don't really know what am I going to write here... strange. Well did something stupid last night, spent a million for ridicolous reason!!! Last night was very bad... my flu was getting worst, all my body was aching, my brain was stuck, was feeling so blue... still had to think where should I sleep, yada yada yada...
things seems so brittle... n suddenly I fell something warmth flow from my eyes... I cried.

wish that all the burden inside will melt away along with the tears... lighten up the clog.

This morning when I drove to the office, I smiled. U know that sometime the unexpected thing could make ur day 'n give u a new reason to go on? something simple yet beautiful ... a hope.

That's what I learn these recent days actually. When u know u have a hope u can't wait to face tomorrow 'n see whether ur hope will turn to be a reality or u still have to wait n hope... n watering the seeds... u know what I mean? having a tomorrow picture is nice... somehow make u understand why u r still here in this world... cos there's something need to be fulfilled.

hmm... a simple hope of me: electricity works along with the water !!!

disaster !

flu
overload works
no electricity n water at my flat
means :
trully disaster !


need to find a place to have a nice rest soon (think to stay at the hotel tonight...hmmm) 'n get rid off this bloody flu. Off the office soon after a deadly meeting w/ my publisher .... couldn't ask for more ! what a day! *sigh*

men = nightmare !!

decided to stay at Buncil's house last night since no electricity plus no water at my flat... (aha!) talked till very late about our fearness of living in today society and Jakarta to be precise. Yup, both of us share the same fearness... bout men, lifestyle, marriage...

I don't know whether it is categorized as a twenty something crisis but... somehow we both discover that this is a wild world and grow up is sucks! Reminiscing the old days, back when we were in uni everything was so simple... we somehow cognized that there are some realities, the cruel and mean ones yet... it was just too far from our life... and fell unreal, u know what I mean ? 'n when we grow up then we understand that these are real 'n it happens just next to us, ...'n that's scary!!! as Maroon 5 says... it's getting harder 'n harder to breathe!

trusting men today becomes the hardest thing to do... we never know !maybe they have a good outer layer but how about the inner layers? they say they love u with all their heart then they cheat on u on ur back 'n still they say they love u!!!! that's bullshit!! love doesn't hurt !!!

like yesterday I was havin my lunch alone at Chopstix, there were two middle age men (married) sitting next to me n they talked like they were the perfect species on earth! they... considered woman as a thing!!! sooo disgraceful and very much unappropriate. I was suddenly loosing my appetite 'n left my tom yum away ! I really wanted to kick their d**k u know... All I could think is I feel sorry for their wives and their children... 'n I believe many of these losers out there! ...cheating is becomes soooo usual 'n casual even a lifestyle! I used to believe in love 'n relationship, so much... the commitment, the loyalty, the honesty, all the ingredients needed I could cope it very well... used to! but then... BOOM reality checks!!! since then... all the things related to love 'n relationship are merely nice 'n sweet in words... thus marriage becomes a nightmare for me!

'n u know what the sweet 'n great escape from all those ? being a workaholic! ...
play like a man 'n celebrate their stupidity!

ketika ini

...........catch me, under ur sheded obsure night within ur endless charm stories
...........hug me, pervade the despair 'n drop the sorrow along with ur clemency
...........let me be your little princess tonight, dance in ur fool's paradise

ketika ini...
tangkap aku, teduhkan aku dalam kelam malammu...
dalam panjang cerita...
ketika ini...
peluk saja aku, serap semua duka dan luruhkanlah lara...
bersama cerita keanggunanmu...
ketika ini...
jadikan aku kasih kecilmu yang menari dalam harapmu...

miss u, but...

i miss u... but u hurt me so bad... but i miss u... but it's just so painful...but i miss u... but u keep lying to me... but i miss u... but the scar is too deep... but i miss u... but u can't love me that way... but i miss u... but u keep hurting me with the same thing... but i miss u... but u never change... but i miss u...but ,,,,,,,

it's just too hurt.

monday morning...

still living in the darkness (litterally... dark with no electricity!) affected my look today, can't pick the right clothes since it's like living in the cave! so today look is: dreadful theme!Reached the office 'n welcomed by a gala concert invitation from Harry Darsono... who apparently expecting me to come with a PARTNER!!!!!!!!!! yeah dude whatsoever! then a sudden interview need to be done... (don't even know who's this guy !!!)
what a perfect monday morning!!

oya... u know last night I was thinking if I have to pick all these electronics thingy, think I'm gonna pick lamp instead of TV, radio,... seriously telling u one thing, u won't be able to live without lamp esp at night (d'oh) well candle will help u a bit till u feel u have enough torturing ur eyes! 'n I can't even breath in the darkness... maybe if I have a man next to me, radio will be my pick...it creates more dramatic nuance along with the candles hahahaha ! yeah yeah...
I really hope this PLN will fix the line by today, finger cross!! can u imagine how our ancestors live back then ??? with no electricity ??? salute for all the people who primarily found electricity who ever they were... Milatus, Cardano, Boyle, Gilbert, Browne, Gray,... thank you lads... u r awesome!! =D

what a sunday !

right, a perfect yesterday doesn't guarantee a merely fine today! I woke up quite late this morning, since I slept very very late... so... anyway it's like my routine on the weekend to pamper my car so that was my plan for this sunday, went to garage and read my new book; the Israelis!!

It was after noon when suddenly the electricity started to go out! I was sooo pissed off! I was just going to read my book and warm up my food with [V] channel on its background plus a coffee... 30 minutes... 45 minutes... an hour.. bloody hell I then called PLN to ask what really is happening... I dialed PLN hotline's number for more than 20 times n they kept busy!!!! can't u believe that?? it made me extremely angry!!! it's bullshit they put me on the line for minutes to minutes and I just need a simple explanation what the hell is going on with the electricity... this system is stupid u know... if they don't want to take any complain what's the point of having this 123 hotline ??? and they keep telling that they serve as its best ??? c'mon!!! I spent my credits for nothing!!!

Instead of cursing this PLN, i went out to this garage and.... bought some dvds (hmmm gulity pleasure....) with a hope that when I reached home the electricity would already been worked out again, yet what I found was soooooo dissapointing!! it's been more than four hours...(seven now) n still go out! I then decided to go out since I can't do anything at my room anyway n it's so dark u know... 'n boring! when I listened to the radio while I was driving, they said it might take FEW DAYS to repair what it is damage on the electricity lines (setiabudi-sudirman-menteng-tebet) can u believe that ???? how stupid all of these ???? this country.... can't even fix the electricity line!!!!

...'n here I am casting away in this internet cafe!! whilst thinking what am I going to do with no electricity!!! bloodyfu**inghell!!!

ohsodamn capiroskha!

it was a perfect saturday!
no i didn't fly to Bali, just realised that's it's a school holiday, really hard to find a ticket n hotel there... (me mom was telling me on friday night when I told her I wanna go to Bali like Sat morning hehehe...) ...plus a friend of mine ensure me that being alone in Bali is definitely sucks hahahaha (good try mate!!)
Anyway, nandy woke me up at Sat morning (it was counted as morning dear, especially on the weekend!) and... she asked me to go out yiipppiiieeee...
like usual we ended up for coffee and bunch of chats up without knowing what else to do hehehe.. then we went for dinner, met up w/ another friends (kucrit n kutu) at Kafe Pisa (nice place...) till quite late.. 'n I started to feel so sleepy (yeah me n ma sleepy head!) 'n decided for a capiroskha (hmmm...) when I suddenly becoming so damn vivacious hahahaha! (strange me...) It was like an energizer for me... we went to karaoke afterwards n this ohsodamn capiroskha had made me sing along for three hours !!!!!!!!! seriously... my friends were laughing so much seeing the silly me! and wondered how come a capiroskha could easily made me sooooo bouncy!

well despite of the capiroskha, I was actually very happy that day... I didn't expect a nice sweet Saturday since I have to postpone my trip to Bali, yet hell my girls are still around and made me so damn grateful! When u were brokenhearted, fed up with ur life, burned out with ur job, a warm sweet hug and a little kiss from ur friends will simply light u up... =) plus, Bali is still waiting anyway.............

eh u know what ? when u r in a process of healing u'll be just become sooo good 'n perfect on justifying any reasons to make u feel good... =)

hmm... Bali ??

I dunno why but I'm thinking for Bali to spend this weekend =) Gosh, I really need a holiday, way from this routine, and all the shits... seriously!! I'm jaded, jaded and jaded !!
I think the last time I went to Bali was three years ago!! seriously!! it was before I flew to London!! ...and I went there with my parents!! yes...Bali and parents kinda wrong mixture!!
that's why.......... I really want to go there this summer......... a friend of mine (yes you!) actually asked me to go there but then I was thinking about these n those... but now..hell let's go to Bali (since my Ed is in his holiday as well...) if it is possible for me to go like tonight or tomorrow I'll definitely doing it...
but then again, Bali hmmm alone ??? I gotta be joking!!!!
hmm am thinking whether the offer is still valid... =p
ohhh just can't resist its temptation..... Bali is calling........

** but u know what, I think it's just going to be another BORING weekend, *sigh* boring boring boring
going to buy some dvds, in case.... preparing for another boring weekend!!

writer !!

here in the company where I work, there are three magazines: DestinAsian (travel magz), Prestige (lifestyle magz), DA/MAN (men's magz) and one publishing named SCOPE, which at this moment has three clients (means: three coorporate magz published). U know how many writers here ? three!! yes dear for all the magazines (included the coorporate magz), wtf!!! with four editors; DA, Prestige,DA/MAN and SCOPE.

so... be in my shoes for once ! I write for PRESTIGE and DA/MAN at this moment.. Pretige once had another writer, who apparently resigned after three months (hey Sherly, how dare u to leave me here all alone !!! =)) and it was okay... well I managed quite well =) since my editor does some writings as well so... it was ok!

BUT, it won't be fine n fun anymore if I have to cope all alone here... imagine one magazine with one writer ???? I'm dead !!! and still I have to write for DA/MAN !!! (hmmm that's why we paid better than any other magz company... with all of these workloads ??? ohhh it's not even comparable dear)

It is strange u know how difficult to find a new writer for this company, too demanding... bloody hell ! I just talked with one of the eds and he said it's not easy to find a good english writer in Indo... that's why we interviewed many candidates none of them who meet the requirements!!! Can u believe this ???? and if we can't find any by early next month we are going to find people at Singapore.... Ohhh c'mon... there must be someone here... "It's only few English magz here in Indo, and among those few, none of them covered with good English," said the Ed. Is he trying to say that we are the best English magz here ?????????? really ??????????????

and it keeps me wondering.. so what was on their mind when they decided to hire me ???? it makes me nauseous somehow u know... because they put too high expectation on me... =(

u know what... I don't care... I just need another writer whom I can share the assignments here darling... Indonesian, Singaporean, Indian.... I don't give a shit !!! as long as i could breath... well thinking about the wage' raise anyway =) hmmm...

so, I think it is an easy way to explain why I have a long working hours... but one thing for sure Thanks God, I love to write... that's all!

absolute happiness

can we get our own happiness without other people' involvement ?

for this long I let my self distracted by many things, some elements outside my ownself... by people, by things. I somehow realise, why i've been having this kind of feeling; depress, bum out... n such, one thing for sure that I let other people to control my feeling; the joy, the gloom,... and for some times i've been trying to give a picture perfect of "this" thing. And what i get in the end ? broken hearted because i trick my own self, telling the things which is counterfeit. Yet... it won't last long enough 'cos i'm not fool enough !

i really want to have my own happiness... without relying something or someone else. So damn tiring u know...
i want to see and feel my heart smile again... at its purity.
i know it'll be so nice when we could be liberated and create our own happiness. glorifying moment, indeed!

when and how ?
u tell me...

infinity

for whereever this path may lead, please don't fade just yet
veil the loneliness that bleeds my soul
with a minute of delicate gravity
and a moment of serenity, i yearn for long haul
and let it be an infinity
...

on the other hand...

one thing that I find it interesting working as writer here in this magazine is, meeting bunches of people from all over the world from the divers variety of backgrounds(...always people with the high-up position) n its unique... and talk with them. If you are a journalist you'll understand how it is uneasy to make people really talk and comfortable to talk with you...

just now, I sat and talked with the President of COACH (that accesories...) and I wasn't thought that it would be that "smooth" and nice interview... c'mon he is British, quite old (hmm...) and u know he is British ! yet the interviewed somehow turned out to be fun... and I always feel great when I could make my Interviewee relax and enjoy our "conversation"

In fact he said that it was the nicest interview he ever had along with many interesting questions... (regardless he was just trying to be nice =p) ...but seriously it is something. Well it'll be perfect if then he gives me a COACH bag hahahaha (yeah u wish nin...)

But u know, I wouldn't have this kind of experince if I wasn't here. Though I sometimes questioning why am I here instead of doing some radio project or whatsover, well in the end every livelihood has its own highlight rite ? So... yeah I'm delight for having a chance to know these people... and also 'this' people =)

a concert for Diana

I watched an interview with Princes William and Harry last night at Hallmark. In my point of view they both are the most famous princes in this entire earth... true ! who doesn't know these two lads ? Anyway a friend of mine asked me the afternoon before who's my fav, Will or Harry ? Hmmm... Will is just too charming...too elegant...too aristocratic, too appropriate... it's just too good to be true, whilst Harry is more 'human' u know what I mean... he's just like the boy next door... normal in some ways =) Anyway I like Harry better as a person.

There was a question about how to deal with the fame ? Harry said honestly that it isn't the way that they choose they wanted to be, unlike Michael Jordan or Madonna who work for the fame. These people have their own period of fame moment in which eventually will fade out. For them they have it since they were born and it might last forever... and there's nothing that they can do 'bout it. It is definitely not a choice for them. However, if they were normal, IF... Will would love to be a pilot and Harry will choose to live in Africa and being the safari guide and help some unfortunate children there !

Today, they are preparing for a Concert for Diana, " first and foremost the evening is for her. It’s to remember her and to commemorate her life and celebrate it," says Will. Instead of to commemorate her 10th anniversary of Diana death, yet these two princes rather called a celebration of her life, her spirit and her love in a fun way. I think Princess Diana herself would be very proud of her sons... In a way she carried out some good values towards Will and Harry.

mark your agenda on July 1st !!!!

thousand hours

For how much longer can I howl into this wind?
For how much longer
Can I cry like this?

A thousand wasted hours a day
Just to feel my heart for a second
A thousand hours just thrown away
Just to feel my heart for a second

For how much longer can I howl into this wind?

"picturing genocide"

Young girls leave a camp for "internally displaced persons" to gather firewood, a necessary activity that leaves them vulnerable to rape or murder. Abu Shouk, North Darfur, Sudan, June 25, 2005. Photograph by Ron Haviv/VII.
(taken from vanityfair.com)

"aceh hidden orphanage"

among some news that I read today.. (yeah I read, eventually !) I very much interested with Achenese children' news from BBC. Yup it reminds me when I was there... It was almost two years ago when I met these children and make the documentary radio 'bout them and brodcasted in 'Outlook' BBC 4... Knowing that these children are still facing the uncertain future is somehow makes me feel so damn bad! ... yet I lost all my idealism and all the flame I have within that I wanna fight for these children !!! and here I am end up in this glamorous lifestyle magazine, shame on me !
U know what the funniest part? after I met these children and interviewed them, asking how it was and such and such... I experienced what they just had, hit by the big scale of earthquake when I was in Yogya last year! How God is highly fair... I felt all the panic, all the breathtaking moment... I saw dead, I saw blood, I saw chaos... ... and I still keep that trauma ! I do still remember these children faces... on how they try to stand up straight and go on with their life... how are they now ? do they live better ? do they feel save ? do they sleep well and leave all the trauma behind ?

a party

U know what it is in my head just now ? that life is a party ! some times we attend to a fab party which is great and most of the times a mere lame party... when it's all sucks! some times you were the spotlight and most of the time we wrongly dressed and we just want to press the invisible button ! some times we get drunk and high... and start doing stupid things yet it feels fantastic ! and when we sober we start to curse ourselves... some times the food are so delectable and most of the times we just make our stomach upset... some times we meet many nice people who dressed up so sophisticated and dance so immense... and most of the times we meet some boring people...

that's life isn't it ?

then in the midle of the party there'll be some surprises... some times some gorgeous burlesque dancers shown up and some times some stupid magicians... we never know !
indeed this life is full of surprises !

we could be a passife party goer or... be in it and celebrate its colours!
it's up to u, dear

I recorded some of my life in my old blog meltingpot
feel free to drop in...

blog...blog...and blog

I've been blogging for some times here and there hehe , I have another account in Blogspot which is no longer exist for some reasons, then in Friendster hahahaha yeah I do blog there... and now this one.

I love to write that's the absolute reason why I can't stop blogging, tried once before to quit, can't help it! and I used to read a lot too... but since I somehow have load of things to do in regard to my what so called job as a writer (see how i love my job, I just doing thing that I love to do hehehe what can be better than this ?) anyway.. I feel so bad that I can't do reading as much as I do before I feel empty and somehow airy head and I definitely do not like it ! Thus I decided to create this blog in which I want to share my point of view of the world today. Of course things that interest me... and yup, it'll be lot of craps for sure !! hahahahaha...
This is the way that will make me take my time for minutes to check on BBC, Al Jazeera, even Vanity Fair webs hahahaha... with coffee or my fav tea !